You know what really grinds my gears Part 7

You know what really grinds my gears? I'm glad you asked, because it is the following list of activity that really grinds my gears.

1. Brett Favre. Seriously, has this "I'm retired, no wait, I want to play again" dance gone on long enough. He has tried the same tired song and dance every year since 2005. I couldn't care less. Even though the media now jokes about the saturation over the air waves about Brett Favre, they continue to document and report his every move. Favre, who hasn't been an elite QB in close to 7 years, and hasn't been an above average QB in 3 years, is more likely to throw interceptions than touchdowns. He's not a gun slinger anymore. He's old. And I don't care about him at all. Go away and stay away.

2. In the same vein about over saturation, people who update their facebook status every three minutes or every time they do anything, no matter how mundane, need to stop. Realize I've already blocked your updates on my facebook account. Eating a sandwich, or driving to the grocery store do not need facebook updates. A play by play of your day at work is, again, something I don't need to see on my computer screen. If I wanted to know what you were doing at that exact moment, I would call you (Thanks for that line, Guillermo McMillan).

3. Comcast. Not only was the Internet and cable out for half of the day Wednesday, but it's been going out on a nearly day by day basis. Why would I continue to pay outrageous bills for a hit or miss service? Oh, right, there is no other cable company. A monopoly. How American.

4. People in the express lane at Kroger (or any other grocery store, but I shop at Kroger these days) who haggle over a few cents when a line builds up behind them. If you bring coupons and watch the cashier like a hawk, go to the regular lines. Don't go to the express lanes. And if you have 15 items or more in the 15 items or less line and have coupons and cause the manager to have to come give you a rain check because you couldn't get your Fiber One and a discount before you START writing your check, let alone whip out your check book, you need to go to the regular lanes. Not the express lane. That is the lane reserved for people with a few items and ready to pay with a credit card or debit card. You know, those people who can move along in an "express" fashion. The name express is not just thrown out there because the grocery stores like the way it looks. It's a convenience feature. Get out of the lane, grandma.

5. Those "guys" who wear the Euro-tight jeans. Listen, you're a guy, you don't need to wear skin tight jeans. There is no reason to wear pants so tight they don't even go over your hind quarters. Get a hair cut, buy some new pants, and for God's sake, wearing a thin tie with an untucked shirt looks moronic so don't do that. I'm not sure you realize this is Texas, not Paris or Milan. Wear your jeans the right way.

My take on Kobe Bryant

First, let me get a few things out of the way. I know this is not a sports blog, but sports are important to me and this is my blog. So, deal with it (Abbie, I'm talking to you). Second, I'm going to keep this strictly on the topic of basketball. I'm not letting my personal distaste for Kobe Bryant color this post. Third, Nate, these are facts and stats and are not intended to ruffle any proverbial feathers.

Kobe missed some free throws and the Lakers did not beat the Magic in game 3 of the somewhat anti-climactic NBA Finals. (I barely watched the game, and I'm one of the last 11 NBA fans left in the United States but that's not the point). Watching Sportscenter, I saw Kobe saying that he's used to making game winners and carrying his team to victory. Part of that is true. Kobe carries his team on a nightly basis. It's hard to argue he's not one of the best players of this generation, if not of all time. He's surely in the conversation of top 5 to 8 guards of all time. Some of his teams have been less talented than others, but the Lakers have been contenders more often than not with Kobe on the team. Largely because of Kobe. Like him or dislike him (he is a polarizing figure, one way or another [and if you disagree with that, you're drinking just not being objective]) Kobe is incredibly talented.

But let's talk about clutch. How do we define clutch? Let's define it as a game winning opportunity. Not just buzzer beating shots, as that would be statistically insignificant. Let's define clutch as:

1. With 24 seconds or less, then it truly is a "last possession" situation potentially
2. With a margin from tied to down 2, the team can take the lead with a made basket (including 3's)
3. By excluding a down 3 situation, we don't have the "gimme two point buckets" that defenses will sometimes yield to the quick bucket/intentional foul strategy option you often see exercised.

Using stats from 82games.com (an incredible NBA site, by the way, for the other 10 of you out there) analyzing the past 5 seasons, including playoffs (through February of this year), the league average for shots in this situation is .298. Not that great, but these are challenging shots. Some of these shots are from half court or beyond. Some are with less than one full second remaining.

Who has made the most of these game winning shots in the past 5 years? I'm glad you asked. It's Lebron James, with 17. We all remember the shot he hit against Orlando with hands in his face. Trey (allegedly) celebrated by imitating Lebron's chalk throwing. It was an incredible shot, without a doubt. What is the King's percentage on these shot? .340. Better than league average. Lebron also has 6 assists in these situations. So, one could argue he has created 23 game winners, when adding shots and assists.

Where is Kobe on this list? Well, he's fourth with 14. Certainly nothing to sneeze at. What is his percentage? Again, I'm glad you asked. It's below league average at .250. How many turnovers does he have in these situations? 5. He leads the entire NBA in that category. How many shots has he taken? 56. Wow, that's a lot. He leads the NBA in that category as well. Kobe also leads the league in misses, with 42 game winning shots missed. How many assists does Kobe have in game winning opportunities? One. In 62 chances (56 shots, one pass, 5 turnovers).

This is not to say Kobe is terrible. Clearly, I'm not saying that. I'm saying he's not infallible. But when you hear people say Kobe is the best finisher in the league, re-think that. He's not the most clutch. He doesn't pass to his teammates in those same clutch moments.

I thinks we can all agree that superstars get calls in the NBA. Michael Jordan did, Kobe does, Lebron does, Wade does. Just like in baseball where the tie goes to the runner, the borderline call goes to the star. This is nothing new. But I wonder how many of these calls were bail out calls, or touchy calls, or borderline calls, or superstar calls?

Bottom line: Kobe's good. Very good. He can absolutely finish a game the Lakers are winning by hitting jumpers and getting to the line. But, he's not the best at winning games in the clutch. And he's surely no MJ. Remember when MJ passed to Kerr and Paxson? Those were the plays MJ made. Who besides Kobe has made a game winner for the Lakers? Horry, on an amazing shot that he took after getting an offensive rebound and Fischer, who made an insane shot on an inbounds play. Both of these were against the Spurs in different years.

Update on Best Burgers in Houston

As a general introduction, the previous list was made up of places I had eaten. So, places such as Bubba's, 5 Guys, Mockingbird, Amazon Grille, Sullivan's, and Vic and Anthony's did not make my list, nor will they be added at this point. McCormick's burger, for 2 dollars, is very good. But I would hesitate to call it anything more than a happy hour burger. In an attempt to broaden my horizons, Miller's and Southwell's were places I frequented in the past 10 days.

Miller's (on North Shepherd) was very good. It was everything I had heard it would be. I would have to say that the onion rings were only pretty good. Leighton and Wes had chicken fried steak sandwiches, which in no way could be bad. Simply no way in the world.

Southwell's (the one across from Memorial High School) was not only hard to find (I blame Katy and Google Maps equally) but not all I had heard it was. It was good. Don't get me wrong. But it was not great. If I could borrow a thought from Nathan, a burger is somewhat similar to a hot wing, in that it is easy to make a decent one but difficult to make an exceptional one. Southwell's made a solid burger. But, it was not as good as some of the other places.

One of those places, which I had been to before this last came out and which I have been to since this list came out is Lankford Grocery. It's tucked into the neighborhood around Taft and West Gray. For those who don't know, it closes at 3 and is closed on Sundays. The Firehouse Burger is incredible. You will sweat, you will cry, and you will love it. The Soldier Burger is served with a fried egg and looks very good. The down home feel is a big part of the charm and makes this place special. Tater tots don't hurt either. Neither does a side called "Tex Mex" -- fried jalapeno and onion strips. Think onion rings, but strips. The peppers aren't hot, but are full of flavor. The burgers require two hands to hold and eat, the patty is well seasoned and medium-cooked.

I hesitated in the earlier post to make this declaration, but this is the best burger in Houston. You need to go immediately. You won't be disappointed; you'll wish you'd been going to Lankford for years.

Guest Post from "Private" Schubert

Before Leighton tells his story, let me provide a little background. We had both discussed getting haircuts this week, perhaps shorter than normal. Which is fine for me. My hair is usually pretty short. So getting a "2" guard cut isn't that short. Leighton, on the other hand, has a problem. I'll let him explain, in his own words, with a few minor edits from me. Last thing, before we get to Leighton's story...He came over to my apartment around 945pm. I was talking on the phone to my side kick, Abbie. I opened the door and said "Oh god. Leighton has no hair. I'll have to call you back."

The Haircut From Hell.

By Leighton Schubert.

It was a fine Tuesday afternoon. The sun was shining, a bird was singing a lovely tune, there was not a cloud in the sky. But little did I know, there were dark clouds looming in the distance of my day.

I needed a haircut. So I marched down to my normal place, which shall go nameless for their sake (editor's note: TGF on West Grey). After signing in on the list, I was quickly ushered to a waiting station. There was a nice (editor's note: old) Vietnamese lady waiting to cut my hair. (editor's note: this same woman cut my hair within the hour of butchering Leighton's hair. She kept saying nonsense to me and I kept pretending not to hear her. She was clearly rattled.) We exchanged the normal hair cutting pleasantries and I informed her I wanted my hair to be shorter than normal. (Little did I know my wish would soon be granted..)

She pulls out the clippers and proceeds to cut three quarters of my hair with no issue. Then it happened.....

As she was trimming the left side of my hair with the clippers, some sort of malfunction occurred. The details are a little fuzzy, but as far as I could tell the guard on the clippers must not have been attached correctly. Said guard fell off and the lady then made another swipe at my hair with no guard on the clippers. Yes, NO guard! (Editor's note: Oh boy!!)

All hell then proceeded to break loose. Everyone in the vicinity, both customers and employees alike, reacted with an audible gasp at the sight. The Vietnamese lady attempted to "fix" the problem by combing over what was left of my hair that she did not buzz off. Oddly this did not work.

The manager then headed over for a strategy session to figure out how short we would have to cut the rest of my hair to match with my new "hair style." After a short meeting of the brain trust, we decided I would have to have a 'one' guard in order for it to match. So that is where we stand.

The best part of the story is that upon leaving, the people that were waiting in the lobby area were all telling me that it did not look that bad. Nothing like pity from complete strangers. I may be wearing a hat for the next 4 weeks.

Above is a picture of my new haircut. (Jager Bombs anyone? How about you Willy Mac?) I look like a mix between a private in the Army and a convict...

Top Burgers in Houston

After this Memorial Day's BBQ with three different kinds of hamburgers (with credit to Leighton and Wes, we made "Hometown, H-town, Get Down burgers (also called "regular" but where is the fun in that?), Chimichurri burgers, and B-4 Bacon and Blue Cheese Bunker Buster Burgers) I got to thinking about some of the best burgers in Houston. This is in no particular order, and if you know if an unlisted place, please pass it on in the comments.

1. Christian's Tailgate. These are big, greasy and delicious burgers. I like to add grilled jalapenos to mine for that extra little kick. Additional points for onion rings. Points deducted for karaoke contests, terrible weekend parking, and lots of Cougar High (University of Houston undergrad) students.

2. Lankford Grocery. This place is relatively new to me, but has been a Houston tradition for many years. Even though they are only open until 3 pm and closed completely on Sundays, you need to try one of the Fire House Burgers. Jalapenos, extra hot mustard and a home made habanero sauce that will literally make you cry. It's incredible. But you will cry. And it's worth it. Extra points for charm and tater tots, not to mention clientele. Without a doubt, I was one of the smallest people in the entire restaurant when I went for the first time.

3. Pappas Brother's Burgers. These are huge burgers. Very juicy, very tasty. Points deducted for cost (not cheap), terrible fries and huge crowds at peak times. Still, a good burger.

4. Hub Cap Grille. A tiny place in down town that is cash only, the Hub Cap Grille is simply great. They have good fries, and even better sweet potato fries. Extra points added for home made buns. One of the best burgers I've ever had, let alone in Houston.

5. Smash Burger. A lot of people say a lot of good things about Smash Burger. It's pretty good. But it's not great. The fries come in a number of options and the gourmet version with olive oil and rosemary is good. But the burger was only pretty good. I'm not saying it was bad, but it was far from great. I feel like burgers are like hot wings. It is not hard to make a decent one, but, despite the simplicity, is difficult to make an exceptional one. Smash Burger was good, not great. The smash sauce, incidentally, tasted a lot like Thousand Island dressing and Tabasco.

6. Onion Creek, Dry Creek and Cedar Creek. All these burger joints are owned by the same people, so I've included them in one listing. The places create an Austin feel and the burger are good. Much like Smash Burger, they are short of great. But the turkey burger with guacamole is a highlight.

7. Max's Wine Dive, despite its cost, has a great Kobe Beef Burger. Its around $25, but its incredible. Everything on the plate is top notch. Fries, burgers, sauces, cheese, grilled onions and on and on. It's hard to believe, but this is worth the price. It's as good as a steak. Good thing, because it costs as much as one.

8. Barnaby's. I'm including the one on West Grey close to Taft and not the others simply because I've only been to this one, but the burgers are very good. The only problem is that there are so many other options, such as Fattoush, that I rarely get the burger there. Bonus points for stimulus brownies. If you don't know what that is, until the Dow hits 11,000, brownie sundaes are one dollar. Major bonus points.

Welcome to the freakshow...

There are many positive aspects about the apartment complex in which I live. It's close to school and work. There are plenty of things to do around this part of town. A good number of fellow law students live in the complex and other friends live in the area. But there are some drawbacks. There is a fire station across Washington Avenue and from time to time the sirens wake me up. There are also a number of complete nutjobs who deserve special mention. These people aren't necessarily a drawback or a negative. To be fair, they do make me laugh, even if I try not to laugh in their faces for obvious reasons.

1. Wetsuit guy. This gent walks from across the complex in a wetsuit and flippers to the pool, where he swims countless laps. Now, there is nothing all that weird about swimming in a pool in Houston during the summer in a wetsuit. Well, there is something weird about it. But walking a few hundred yards to do that is just a bit off.

2. Sweater jogger. Another one of the residents of Archstone is a guy who runs in a sweater. No, not one you can buy at a store, but an all-natural man sweater. Front and back. Full length. Ironically, he's bald as a cue ball.

3. Computer in the gym guy. There is a guy who wears jeans to the gym, charges his cell phone and plays on the internet on this computer. He sits on one of the weight machines, but does not work out. He also changes the channel on the second television to whatever is on the first one and turns the volume way up. I don't get it. Maybe he doesn't have tv or internet in his apartment? Maybe he's just a weirdo? It could be both.

4. Another one of the winners from the gym, it's argyle socks guy. This little guy wears argyle socks with his New Balance shoes in the gym. He doesn't really work out much, but he does try to spit game at every girl in the gym. He clearly has no shame, as I've seen girls laugh at him with little to no deterrent effect. All the while wearing mid calf high argyle socks.

5. There is the girl who lives here who is having an affair with a guy who does not live here. No names will be used, as nearly all of the people who know these two know they are having an affair. That is, everyone except for the guy's wife. It's pretty funny to see them in the parking lot, only to see people they know try to greet them awkwardly and then try to slip away. Hilarious.

6. There is the guy who has a full sized stuffed bob cat on his coffee table, which is right next to his front window. Pretty startling at night, trust me.

another tip on procrastination

awkwardfamilyphotos.com

This is another hilarious website with people's funny and awkward and even terrifying family photos. For all I can tell, it appears to be real photos. It's both funny and sad. This is not safe for work, unless your job allows walrus junk photos. You read that correctly. The comments are equally funny and from what I've read so far, not all that offensive. Of course, I also don't think Jeremy Hall is offensive while most of America does. So, there's that.