Hey look, another list!!

OK folks, let's get back to blogging and listing. You know you enjoy these lists.

(Photo caption: I'm number 1, I'm number 1.)

For background, over the weekend, Trey and I watched a few episodes of The Simpsons. We watched the episode in which the plot follows The Departed and also the episode where Homer is elected union chief. What do these two episodes have in common? Well, they're both hilarious. How do they differ? Well, the "Departed" episode is from season 19, which in and of itself is impressive. And, the union chief episode is from season 4.

Now, I don't go around memorizing which episode came from which season. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And you know who you are. But, it's remarkable that these two episodes, aired 15 years apart are both so funny.

I'll make my point and then get to the list. The old Simpsons episodes were consistently hilarious. I mean, side busting and always great. Now, not so much. There are a few good shows per season, but not many. It's more newsworthy when an episode is funny these days. Nonetheless, The Simpsons is the BEST sitcom of all time. Animated or not, this is classic TV. OK, here's the list.

1. The Simpsons. I've been through some of this already, but this is just the best show of all time. For about 15 years, this show was classically funny. It's still funny to watch old episodes. Even when I know the jokes before they happen, I still laugh. This is #1, and it's not really close after that.

2. Seinfeld. Hey, don't get me wrong, this is also an incredible show. But, maybe because it was ALWAYS broadcast in syndication, it seems overplayed. It's strange. I know when these jokes are coming too, and I can usually figure out which episode is airing within a few seconds, but it's just not the same. The social interactions are still good, but it seemed like the show became formulaic towards the end. I will grant you The Simpsons has been in this mode for a few years now, but it's my list. Feel free to disagree.

3. The Cosby Show. Come on, this show was incredible. It's a bit dated, but Cosby acting like Cosby is gold. Pure comedy gold. Maybe adding the two kids after Rudy was a bit much, but Olivia and Pam weren't terrible and really were small characters. Also, if you see some of the bit actors who appeared in the show over time, it's nuts. Adam Sandler, BB King, Dizzy Gillespie, Ray Charles, Tito Puente, John Amos, and on and on.

4. Frasier. I know some people aren't on my side here, but this is classic TV. I think this would have made a great play. All of the episodes could take place in one room. It's really all about the characters. This has to go down as the best spin-off of all time. Although I hear that The Cleveland Show is great. Also, that was the sarcasm font.

5. Cheers. It's hard to believe, but the spin-off is better than the original, but it is. Cheers was great, even if Diane was a terrible character.

6. All in the Family. I'll grant you, this isn't the most politically correct show ever, but it is truly hilarious. Also, The Jefferson's was a spin off from this show. It's worth watching just to see Sally Struthers not eating children in third world countries.

7. Family Guy. In recent years, this show has gone the way of South Park, in that it is profane and offensive simply for the sake of profanity and offensiveness. Also, every episode has two to three random flashbacks that have nothing to do with the plot and are just there for the sake of filling time. Or at least, that's how it seems to me. These things are not funny. But, don't get me wrong, the first few seasons were great. Before the plot revolved around Stewie being gay, or potentially gay, or whatever and was about Stewie being evil, or potentially evil, this show was better. It could have been higher on this list.

8. Arrested Development. This is another show that could have been higher on the list, but not because it quit being funny. It should have been higher but it ended. And season three, the final season, just ended. I'm not sure why it ended, but it could have continued.

9. King of the Hill. Is it just me, or is this show a lot funnier if you're from Texas? Come on, Hank's niece is named Luanne Platter. What do you order at Luby's? Come on, it's gold. Considering this was supposed to be filler between The Simpsons and X-Files, King of the Hill was pretty damn funny.

10. Scrubs. I'll admit, I thought this show was great. But then I realized I didn't like the main character. At all. Then I stopped liking Elliot and Carla. Then Dr. Cox got really old. The Janitor and Ted remained funny, as did Dr. Kelso. But I just quit watching.

Honorable mention. Friends. I never really liked this show, but I know a lot of people did. I'll put it on the list so that people won't complain. Not that this will stop the best complainers amongst you.

I'll also include Sanford and Son, and I'm sure some of you really like The Office. There's it, there's the list. Have at it.

This is meant entirely as humor so relax and have a nice day

This was forwarded to me from reader Jennifer Knox. Please address all comments to her and don't shoot the messenger. Again, let me state clearly this is a joke. So don't get upset. Laugh a little. It won't kill you.

In the future, everyone will win the Nobel Peace Prize for 15 minutes.

In other news, the 2012 Olympic Committee announced today that PresidentBarack Obama has been awarded the Gold Medal in the Decathlon, more than two years before the event was scheduled to begin. Commitee members were convinced of his fitness for the award based on shirtless pictures of the President published in People magazine.

President Barack Obama will receive an Emmy for his numerous appearanceson television in 2008 and 2009.

The President of the United States has been named as a 2009 Tony Awardwinner for his stellar attendance at a Broadway show in May 2009.

The producers of the Academy Awards program have announced President Barack Obama as the winner of the Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Award forlifetime achievement. In addition, the award will be renamed the "Barack H. Obama Award" and presented annually to President Barack Obama.

In recognition of the pitch he threw at the 2009 All-Star Game,President Barack Obama has been named today as MVP of the 2009 WorldSeries.

The Heisman Trophy Trust announced today that the iconic bronze statuewill be recast, with a shirtless Barack Obama replacing the anachronistic college football figure from the 1930s. In a mild departure from tradition, the President will be portrayed clutching a basketball, though a similar arm-forward pose will be used. Also, the 2009 award and all future Heisman Trophy awards will be presented to Barack Obama.

The Association of Community Organizers for Reform Now (ACORN) has named President Barack Obama as their "Customer of the Year" for 2009. TheWhite House had no comment. Senator Al Franken (D-MN) was disappointedin his second-place showing, but congratulated the President in a press release.

The National Organization for Women followed the lead of the Nobel PeacePrize committee and named President Barack Obama as NOW's "Woman of theYear" for 2009. When questioned about the President's lack of female gender, the spokesperson said, "He said he WANTS to be female someday,and we think that's good enough for us."

Seen elsewhere on the Internet: Barack Obama has been named Motor Trend's Car of the Year.

The First Lady announced that for the first time in her adult life sheis proud of Norway."...

"Happiest guy in the world right now? The guy that had Barack Obama onhis Fantasy Nobel Prize team."...

In a little-noted announcement, William Ayers received an 'Assist' awarding the Nobel Prize for Literature category."

update

Sorry for the drop off in blogging, if anyone cares, but I've been sick. I'll detail some more of what's going on 10,000 miles from home soon, but in the mean time, I think we can all agree, or not (and I know who's likely to disagree) that Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize was at best premature and at worst, well, ludicrous.

Now, I don't want to delve too deeply into politics. Lord knows, the worst thing we can discuss is religion or politics. Oh, did I say "Lord knows"? I don't want to start a holy war.

But, considering nominations were due a mere 11 days after Obama took office, isn't it a little ridiculous that he won the NPP? Granted, many of you think the award is meaningless after Al Gore won his for his documentary (certainly not for his $22,ooo monthly electricity bill or driving a suburban) but 11 days? What could have been done in 11 days other than talk?

I understand he's improved America's image abroad, but he did that simply by not being George W. Bush. By the same token, I'm not W. Where's my prize? Free trip to Sweden? $1.6 million? Nothing for me? Rubbish.

India: Days 3-5, Part 2

Just briefly, I'd like to take a moment to present a truly ironic development. As a quick side note, people often misuse "irony"and it really grinds my gears. But, anyway, back to the story.

I went from my mom's mom's house to my dad's mom's house today. I'm staying for a few days. In days past this trip, I had come for the day. Hence, I did not bring my laptop. Today, however, I did.

It took some time to get hooked up to the Internet. The wireless network was spotty, so my cousin and I were attempting to hook up a wired connection. I went into the other room and when I came back, my cousin, who lives in India (this becomes important soon....as in, right now) was on the phone with tech support. Which is locally based.

Ironic. But I didn't need to tell you that. You've been paying attention and you understand irony.

India: Days 3-5, Part 1

One of the most peculiar (I don't think I've ever typed that word before, but I kinda like it) aspects of Indian culture is the family dynamic. I'm not talking about the nuclear family, but the extended family. It's very important to make social visits and inquire as to the well-being of other people in the family.

(Photo caption: a 3 lane road in Delhi)

I suppose that in and of itself is not all the peculiar. What I find so funny, however, is the unannounced drop in. I think there was a Seinfeld episode along these lines.

Anyway, today, before lunch, we were hanging out and talking. The phone rang and my mom went to answer it. As the TV was on, she stepped out into the hallway to talk. And, before you knew it, some lady appeared in the door way. The unannounced visitor.

She came in, greeted my grandmother and said "Hello, Vikram. How are you?" Now, I had stood up so as to not be rude and greeted this woman in the common fashion. I said "Hello Aunty(every other woman, basically, is called aunty if she's not related to you directly or at all). I had no effing clue who this lady was. We went on, chit chatting about this and that for about 10 minutes. All the while, I still had no idea who the devil this woman was.

Finally, my mom came in and greeted this woman by name. Finally, I figured out who the hell this was. It was my mom's brother's wife's brother's wife. (I suppose it would be easier to say it was my uncle's sister in law, but I don't care to do so at this time).

Now, if we can all shift gears for a second, let's discuss traffic. I earlier said traffic was horrible here, and if a Houstonian says traffic is bad, you know it's out of control.

As I see it, trucks, buses, cars, motorcycles, scooters, bikes, people and carts of all shapes and sizes share the roads. At all times. Since traffic flows the British way, you drive on the left side of the road and the right lane is the "fast lane." Also, as more background, the bigger your vehicle is, the more "right" you have for space on the road.

If a road is 3 lanes, there will be at least 5 actual lanes of traffic. The painted lines on the road are only suggestions, and largely ignored suggestions at that. Turning is also quite an ordeal. Rather than form a line, all types of vehicles cluster in as narrow a space as possible near the intersection as cars in the opposite direction run lights and swerve to avoid objects in the road.

As soon as there is enough time for one car to inch forward enough to possibly go across the intersection, 10 to 15 vehicles flood the intersection. Collisions be damned. It's a giant game of chicken. It's not alarming to drivers for a crowded bus to be inches away from the side of your car on one side and 3 scooters trying to pass you on the other, even if you're up against the median. Well, let me tell you it is damned alarming for the passenger, IE, me.

In addition, bikes and scooters and motorcycles ignore the lanes and squeeze between 4 wheeled vehicles to inch towards the front of the line. Red lights apparently mean nothing to people on 2 wheelers, as they skid and fly through intersections as they please. Even if the bike is made entirely of rust and held together by bits of string and tape, it's not stopping for anything. It's got other cars to squeeze between at the next light.

Now, if you can imagine all of that, let me add pedestrians to the mix. Essentially, what you or I would call jay-walking is readily accepted, and even encouraged here. People put their hand out when they cross a street or highway, essentially daring motorists to hit them. It's unbelievable. Just because you put your hand up does not mean a car will stop in America. Unless you're in Rhode Island, where by law motorists must stop to allow pedestrians to cross the street. Here, however, it's actually effective. People will not exactly stop, but they will slow down enough for jay-walkers to get to the next lane of traffic. It truly is Frogger (sorry for the second Seinfeld joke, but you'll live) on a hugely dangerous level.

Part 2 to come later. Enjoy.

India: Day 2

I realize my last update was only a few hours ago, but with jet lag, the 11.5 hour time difference, etc, you'll just have to deal with it.

Today, I went to my other grandmother's house. I hung out with her and some other family, including two of my cousins whom I had not seen since 2000. The three of us went to see a movie, The Orphan, which was pretty good, actually. But the real experience was at the movie theater.

The theater was in a mall which looked like it could be in any American city. There were numerous shops, coffee houses, and cafes. There was also a TGI Friday's and Hard Rock Cafe.

Anyway, on to the theater. We bought tickets and went inside. The movie was scheduled to start at 6:50. We were standing outside the individual theater in the lobby at 6:48 and the doors were still roped off. I asked my cousin what was up, and he said it will open around 6:50 and the movie will start soon thereafter. Welcome to India Standard Time (IST from here on out), which meant around 6:50, give or take, whenever it actually happens -- just be glad you're standing inside with A/C and not outside.

The snack bar was also wild. People here love American things, especially the food American teenagers eat. Pizza, nachos, sandwiches, etc. were all over. There was also pasta, which seemed odd for a theater. But that was nothing compared to what I can only imagine a complete monstrosity described as "strawberry popcorn." I saw it and laughed out loud (LOL) and asked my other cousin what the devil that was about. He had no clue. Let's just move on.

My cousin, Tushar, the one who drove to the theater, is a good guy. Let me say that now. I was giving him a hard time (as I sometimes do, from time to time) about his driving. He honks his horn every chance he gets. Now, he paid for his own car, which is a big deal. He's in his mid twenties, and works hard at a good engineering job. But, when I asked him about honking, he said he didn't want anybody to touch his car. He seemed less concerned for human safety than a scratch on his car.

He also laid down newspaper on the floor in case anybody had mud on their shoes. My aunt asked him later if it had rained, to which he replied that it had, and only a week ago.

More on the driving to come soon, as well as an expose of sorts of mustaches.

India: Day 1

Greetings from India. I'm visiting my grandmothers here, as well as relaxing. I'll do this first post as bullets, as sort of a warm up. Some will be relevant and some may seem off topic, but I just flew almost 10,000 miles so cut me some damn slack.

• Flying first class is the way to do. I don't think I can go back to coach. I need shrimp and crab appetizers. I need ice cream sundaes. And I definitely need a seat that is both wide enough, provides ample leg room and stretches nearly flat.
• Elite access is also clutch. Walking up and getting right on the plane is far superior than waiting in lines. Lines are for bums at a soup kitchen. I'm over that nonsense.
• The Texans sure blew another game, didn't they?
• Traffic is insane here. Lanes are merely suggestions, I think. Often, on a 4 lane road, there will be a truck, 4 cars, a scooter or 2, bikes, and pedestrians. Everybody honks. It's like Mexico City, only worse, since they drive on the left side of the road.
• My grandmother's house remains the same size, but I remember it being bigger when I was younger. Funny how time does that to your memory.
• Having a driver and servants may make me seem like a snob, but it's both common place and great. I don't even have to open coke cans for myself. I didn't have to unpack my suitcase, everything I needed was laid out for me. I gotta tell you, it's really a highlight of the trip.

I'll have more soon, after some of this jet lag wears off. In the meantime, wish my Dad a happy birthday, as he turned 60 Sunday. What can you say to a person who has always been there for you? Happy birthday, I suppose.