Recap of an EPIC wedding weekend

First of all, congratulations to Laura (aka legal beagle) and Rob on their marriage. The wedding was unbelievable. Great food, great location, and great dancing (from mostly everyone) and some terrible dancing (hint: me) in Newport, Rhode Island this weekend. All in all, as a break between finals and Bar Bri, this could not have been more perfect. A lot of old friends were able to catch up and have a great time. Here is a quick recap, in bullet form, of an epic (copyright Laura Nicholson-Proccacanti [spelling]) weekend.

• Quickly, the food was incredible at the wedding. The sushi bar was very good, the dinner itself was very good, the cake was good, and there was a candy bar. Basically, everyone could fill bags with different kinds of candy. The only drawback emerged when everyone (read: started by Will Yester) tried to throw candy into people's drinks (read: threw candy all over the place, including the hotel room). There may or may not (read: most certainly may) have been Reese's Pieces all over room 205.
• At the end of the night, more food was served, including Mini Sirloin Burgers (not from Jack in the Box) and they were very good.
• One of the flights, there was a stand by passenger named Dick Burns.
  
• After the rehearsal dinner, we were all able to watch the Rockets victory in Game 6. Yes, I realize they lost in Game 7, but it was a great game for the Rockets. Some of the fans (read: instigated by me) were chanting "Houston" (clap clap) "Rockets" over and over.
  
• On the way to Rhode Island, we stopped for a hot dog at a place in the Detroit Airport. They were not very good. Sadly, when I returned to Detroit for my connection back to Houston, the only place open around my gate was the same hot dog place. All I wanted was a Diet Coke. All I heard (while ordering my drink) was two monstrously obese female employees discuss why they don't like hot dogs but like sausages (it was a euphemism for male genitals). These rocket scientists assumed nobody was able to crack their code and loudly discussed the topic further. I was horribly offended. It was gross. Let's move on. I'll just add "Stay classy Detroit."
  
• On the flight from Detroit to Rhode Island, I was lucky enough to sit next to a woman who had never flown before. She was a nervous and chatty passenger. Even when I wore both headphones, she proceeded to tell me her entire life story. I now know more about this woman than I do any other person in the world. All I can take away from this is that this woman was nowhere as obscene as the women giving etiquette lessons at the hot dog stand.
• After the wedding, some of us including a fish named Betsy, Jacki, Paula and I wrapped what we hoped was the groom's car. We were able to "convince" people at the front desk to give us toilet paper, shaving cream, and tooth paste with which we covered what we thought was Rob's car. Thankfully, we were correct. That was fun.
• We sat outside eating some clam chowder and, within 10 minutes, saw a fog roll over the city and blanket Newport in a thick fog. It was both a downer and impressive at the same time.
• Whoever that handsome devil in the striking red tie that read the Prayer of the Faithful at the wedding did an incredible job. In my opinion. Especially considering he had only been given a copy of the prayer minutes before the ceremony began. Props.
• The day after the wedding, those of us who remained in Newport went on a cliff walk along the Atlantic Ocean. We saw some very historic and famous mansions in Newport. Thankfully, Jeremy knew a lot about them and was able to educate the rest of us. For example, we all saw the mansion in which Andrew Carnegie murdered his mixed race butler. That is according to Jeremy Eric Hall, in case anyone from that Carnegie family reads this blog and wants to sue him. I'm not saying what he said is true or not, but that's what he said. Jeremy also told us the original Blarney Stone was housed in one of the other mansions. There were a few other stories he told us, but they are simply not safe for a family friendly blog such as this.
• We saw a sail boat crashed upon the rocks next to the cliffs. There were two tugboats trying to save the ship. The mast broke. It was pretty surreal.
• We met a girl who was so annoying and dumb we were texting each other about it while talking to her. I think we decided on calling her Talking McStupiderson, or T-Mac for short.

All in all, an incredible weekend. I'm keeping some of the stories and shenanigans off the internet just in case anyone who was there ever decides to run for office. Just kidding. Not really.