12 Hours of Stupidity

Allow me to set the scene.

Yesterday was Will McMillan's birthday. No, that's not the stupid part. Don't try to make this a shot at William. Relax. So, we were at Cedar Creek on 19th street in the Heights. It was a nice night, so we were sitting outside next to the creek at the back of the establishment.

Sitting a few tables away from us, maybe 15 feet away, was a group of three guys and two woman. I hesitate to call them men (and certainly not gentlemen) based on their behavior, but I'll let you be the judge of that. For the record, they were about 30 years old, give or take.

So, this group of five was maybe 10 to 12 feet from the creek. For those of you who don't live in Houston or haven't been to Cedar Creek, there is a small creek running along the back of the outdoor area. It's maybe (maybe) 10 inches deep at most times, but there is a steep bank on either side. You have to cross a bridge if you park in the parking lot behind the bar. Nonetheless, there is water in the creek. It's not a dry creek (that's a joke for the Houstonians).

Anyway, two of the three guys (I think at this point I can [I certainly want to] call them morons, but, again, I'll let you decide for yourself) decide to throw something into the creek. They start laughing and carrying on, but nobody is really paying attention at this point. One of the guys goes into the creek to retrieve what had landed on the far bank of the creek. He throws it back to the others and they go for round two.

When round two of the throwing starts, we notice that the hurled object is lighting up. That peaks my interest, and, as I'm not shy, I approached these guys to see what the deuce they were throwing. I thought maybe it was a small flash light or something like that.

Turns out, they were throwing their cell phones. Their own cell phones. That were fully functioning. At the creek. That had water in it. Now, it should be noted that these guys were not drunk. They had a few bottles on their table, but they were not drunk. They didn't appear to be under any other influence, besides sheer stupidity. But I digress.

Turns out, the object of the game (certainly not the reason for it -- that still escapes me) was to throw your phone, underhanded, as close to the water as possible, without the phone going in the water. Of course, some throws went over the creek bed and skidded into the parking lot. And some didn't land on the bank of the creek but actually went into the creek.

One of the phones, when thrown back to the crowd of idiots (I think at this point we can all agree that these people were and probably will continue to be idiots) landed in the fire pit next to these people. All in all, it was a righteous display of stupidity.

But, that was not the only stupidity in the last 12 hours. Let me set the scene, once again. When it rains, I park in the county garage. It has tunnel access to the DA's office. I can go through security there also. So, around 750 this morning, there was a line of maybe 7 or 8 people and one metal detector and one security employee.

So, the guy in the front of the line who was dressed like a defense attorney and not a criminal was having some trouble understanding that the metal detector detects... metal. He didn't take off his watch. He didn't take the keys out of his pocket. He didn't take the change out of his pocket.

That's not that bad, really. Some metal detectors are more sensitive than others and some shoes or belts set off the detectors and some others don't. I've learned which belts set off the alarm and which don't. But anyway. This guy eventually had to get wanded and was then allowed to enter the building.

Let's get to the truly stupid part, now, shall we. The guy behind this first lawyer was also similarly dressed and looked like a semi-incompetent defense attorney(this was later proved when he asked which floor County Court 15 was on and seemed confused when somebody told him floor 11 and not 15). (Also, please note, I'm not bashing criminal defense attorneys. I will most likely be one at some point in my life, perhaps very soon).

After seeing all of the metal objects the first guy in line needed to take out of his pockets, this guy went through the metal detector and it started wailing. He forgot to take out his keys. His Black Berry. His change. His belt buckle was enormous and needed to be taken off. His boots needed to be taken off.

All of these objects remained on his person. Each time through the metal detector, one more would be removed. After seeing what had just happened, he still didn't quite seem to understand what was happening. After all of this, he remembered that he had an artificial knee and should just get wanded before walking into the building.

Now, I realize I can be a bit impatient at times. You can keep your snide remarks to yourself, thank you very much. But, it really isn't rocket science or long division here folks. Metal detectors detect metal. I thought that was self explanatory. But hey, some people could be unfamiliar with how certain metal detectors work. And maybe he was only in the tunnels because it was raining. That's not stupid, per se. It's maybe foolish, but not stupid. BUT, to see the guy in front of you having the same problem as you and not be able to figure it out, that, my friends (channeling my best Brent Musberger) is utterly and entirely stupid.