Thursday, October 30, 2008

Mt. Rushmore of this Generation

Ok, Christian Bale is not anywhere near the pantheon of this generation. He's good, but not on the same level.

Here's the Mt. Rushmore:

1. Johnny Depp -- Fear and Loathing, Donnie Brasco, Pirates, Blow, Gilbert Grape.

2. Leonardo DiCaprio --Blood Diamond, The Aviator, The Departed, Catch me if you Can, Titanic, Basketball Diaries

3. Matt Damon -- The Bourne movies, the Ocean's movies, Departed, Good Shepherd, Dogma and all those movies, Rounders, Good Will Hunting, Saving Private Ryan, Field of Dreams (go ahead, look it up. He's in there. Small uncredited role, but he's there.

4. Russell Crowe -- Gladiator, Cinderella Man, American Gangster, Master and Commander, Beautiful Mind, LA Confidential, Virtuosity, 3:10 to Yuma

To quote TK, "There it is, that's the list."

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Update on Vince Vaughan, et al.

First, Don Cheadle is an excellent actor but would you want him as your leading role in all kinds of movies? Maybe, maybe not. Action movie? I don't think so. Again, he's very good but not great. He's been a great character actor and was good in Hotel Rwanda, but come one, that movie was so sad and gut-wrenching, anybody could have done it.

We're talking Hall of Fame with Jack, Bobby, Al and those guys. Not solid producer, but Hall of Famer. Stratosphere good. That's not Cheadle. Not to diminish him, but he's Drew Bledsoe. You can win with him (not now, but at one point you could. Relax Jeremy, I'm not attacking Drew) but he doesn't make you a Super Bowl favorite by himself. Better analogy, Scottie Pippen. Can do a lot of everything, doesn't really dominate, can't do it all by himself. Needs a Batman to his Robin.

Leo was left off of this list accidentally. He is good, although Titanic sinks his chances (pun certainly intended). His best work was Growing Pains, undoubtedly. He's probably on the Mt. Rushmore of this generation.

Downey Jr. is Jeremy's hero b/c of the racist/insensitive joke freedom, but his star is not as bright as Jack, or Pacino, or Bobby DeNero. Not even close. He's a foot hill, not a mountain.

Johnny Depp would be the best actor of this generation, hands down. He's Mr. Lincoln on the Mt. Rushmore of this generation. That was a screw up on my part, but i intended to make this a post about Vince Vaughan being the same character in every movie. The best thing about Vince Vaughan is his initials. Very powerful initials indeed. It's not his acting, that's for damn sure.

Cap'n Jack is the winner. To quote everybody's favorite oaf, Warrick Dunn (no, not the running back, the running into people, food spilling, giant), "My bad, my bad!"

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Vince Vaughan: Greatest Actor of this Generation?

When you think of iconic actors, you think of Pacino, DeNiro, Hanks, Nicholson, and Denzel. These guys set the standard, with movies such as The Godfather, Goodfellas, A Dog Day Afternoon, The Shining, Training Day, Philadelphia, et al. (Hell, even American Express commercials are enjoyable with these guys.) These were true movies. I'm not talking about "snappy" one liners and CGI. I'm talking about great acting and truly great movies. Who comes to mind in this generation of actors?

Will Smith? Nic Cage? Keanu? Vince Vaughan?

Let's start with the easiest part. It's certainly not Keanu; he's an idiot and couldn't act his way out of a paper bag. The Matrix was good in spite of this jackass, not because of him.

Nic Cage is just garbage. He can't act at all. National Treasure? Really? That really sucked. I mean orca bad. Con Air? Anyone buying Nic as anything but the female in the prison? Certainly not a bad ass. Certainly not.

Will Smith? He's certainly done some big movies. Independence Day was good, even if it didn't age well. But Hitch? That movie where everybody is dead and he hits golf balls? (Disclaimer: I didn't see this movie, but I did see Castaway, and that was so boring I was hoping Wilson would be rescued and not Hanks, but anyway...) Survey says? No to the Fresh Prince.

Could it be Vince Vaughan? He was money in Swingers. Too bad he has been the same character is every movie he's done since then. I mean, it's not like he's been type cast like Djimon Hounsou, but I get it already. Vince Vaughan is sarcastic. He looks sleepy. He's tall. We all get it; give it a rest.

Act as another character. Not how you are in real life. Something other than your real persona. I think that's called acting. You might like it. (Note: this could easily be directed at Will Farrell, but his movies stopped being funny three sports ago. Ever notice all his movies are the same, only with a different sport? Go ahead, think about it. Ice skating, basketball, baseball, racing. See? All the same.)

I'm not saying Vince needs to be Col. Jessup or Michael Corleone, but come on meow. If you needed a lead character for a movie, which actor of this generation are you picking? Are you going to pack the young make up on Hanks' face as in The DaVinci Code? Are you going to pick Russell Crowe? He's just going to get drunk and headbutt a kangaroo. Matt Damon? A case could be made for Damon, but anyone who knowingly chooses Ben Affleck as a friend is suspect in my book. Marky Mark? The man used to drop his pants at concerts. He was also once a white rapper, in case you forgot. Brad Pitt? Isn't he a little "political"? The only difference between him and Tim Robbins is Pitt's mother isn't Susan Sarandon.

You think about who you're picking. I'm going to watch Godfather II.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Update on Lidge: World Series Game 1

First of all, I'm pulling for the Rays. I not only hate Philly but I like the Rays. I have 3 Rays on my keeper team (BJ, Evan, and David "the Franchise" Price) and their modern-day, rags-to-riches, Cinderella story is an inspiration to us all. They're scary good. But anyway, on to the save from Game 1...

2 strike outs and a weak foul out to third through the heart of the Rays line up. Pena, whiff. Evan, whiff. Crawford, foul out.

I hate Lidge, officially. Lidge has a 99 mile an hour fastball, an 87 mile an hour slider, and 91moles visible on TV. Gross.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

There's no need to be rude, lady

Ok, I understand the people who provide the security and man the metal detectors in the Criminal Justice Center aren't the smartest people in the world, but they do provide a service. While that service may seem like unnecessary hassle to most of us, they do keep guns and weapons out of the courtroom. However, the attitude they display on a daily basis is highly irritating and just rude.

You can't reach to get your phone and keys from the little bucket until it's completely off the belt. You can't keep it from crashing into the other buckets. Trying to hurry things up is like explaining Quantum Physics or Differential Equations to these people. (no, not "these people"). Even if the person in front of you whose bucket went through but had to walk through the metal detector again because he forgot he had keys in his pocket (this is a different matter, and I'll try to keep on track, but forgetting keys!!! come on, professor, it's not hard to remember keys) is not there to collect his pocket full of nickles, 3 lighters and a pack of Menthol Lights. So, if you are brazen enough to reach for your personal belongings before the 63 year old, 5'3 woman has a chance to provide security, she will snatch the bucket away from you and loudly scold, "You ain't supposed to take it from here." To which you will reply, "Oh, sorry, I was just trying to get my stuff." Then the "highly trained security" personnel will take the bucket and push it as far down the counter as possible. To which you can only laugh and reply, "I hope that made you feel better." All the while wishing it was socially acceptable to scream, "Enjoy the $5.50 you'll make this hour, a$$hole." Stupidity isn't a crime (yet), but it should be.

Friday, October 17, 2008

When Pearl Bar jumped the shark

For those of you who ever went there between 2000 and 2001, Ms. Mae's (or The Club, as it was also called) was the one of the best places in New Orleans. And while there were plenty of places to go grab a drink or four, Ms. Mae's during that era was epic (Laura). Maybe the bartenders did not know your name, but they sure were friendly. Well, that's not exactly true, as they were in fact quite rude. The clientele was truly special. The guy with nine teeth playing pool or the drunks playing foosball always seemed to have a good time. You could catch a game there during the summer time. Well, they only had one TV. But the best part was, drinks were a dollar. That's right. One dollar. And you had some space to relax and chill out. It really was a New Orleans institution.

But then, 2002 happened. That is when every frat guy at Tulane figured out they could get some moron freshman trashed and in the sack and still get change from the $10 bill they had tucked into their Armani Exchange jeans or in the popped collar on their pink LaCoste shirt. You could no longer chill out without some jerk with a Long Island accent screaming about something stupid. The Club sucked. You could never go there again. The Club jumped the shark.

And now, on to Pearl Bar. Pearl Bar re-emerged onto the newly energized Washington Avenue scene. It was a fun place to go. Shuffle board. Ping Pong. Big patio. Cool people. But then recently, there was a 1L happy hour bar. They advertised the bar as The Pearl. That's not the name, jackass. But when those kind of people start going to "The Pearl" you know its heading down the wrong rabbit trail. When every (ok, obviously not EVERY guy, but enough to annoy the rest of us) guy who goes there drives a Range Rover and wears a striped shirt with black pants, it's not a good sign. Then, when its packed at 8pm on a Thursday, it's not looking good at all. Think Janet Reno in a two piece bad. You can't even sit down there anymore. It's all yuppies.

But the last straw came last night. Last night, the straw came that broke the proverbial camel's back. 90% of the people there were guys with slicked back hair, drinking Michelob Ultras and Bud Selects, talking about the Red Sox and fondling their BlackBerry. Pearl Bar jumped the shark. That's a wrap folks. Pearl Bar is dead to me.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

It's because you're stupid, Verbal

Ok, maybe not Verbal Kint, but Adam (Don't call me PacMan) Jones, formerly, perhaps, of the Cowboys and the National Football League. In what can only be described as one of the all time bonehead moves, Jones, in a drunken stupor, assaulted an off-duty Dallas police officer (allegedly?) assigned to him by the Cowboys to keep the troubled (read: stupid) cornerback (read: idiot) and punt returner (read: moron) out of trouble (read: being himself). Apparently, Pacman had a team of 4 bodyguards, but only decided to rabbit punch one of them (allegedly).

Wait, let's get this straight. Pac was out drinking. Certainly not illegal. Except...he is on probation from the little incident in Vegas, where three people were shot, and he's on at best thin ice with the Law and Order Commissioner of the National Football League Roger Goodell, who had previously suspended Jones for 17 months. And also, he was on double secret probation (which was not secret, either). Pacman had to stay out of trouble.

Anyway, back to the story. Pac's out drinking, then he gets told to go home by the body guard/police officer. Pac disagrees, and voices his disagreement by hitting his body guard/police officer. Kevin Costern and Whitney Houston this is certainly not, but I digress.

Ole Pac is lucky enough to get, in what we can generously call a 7th chance, and blows it. Allegedly. After all, he only got in trouble at a nightclub, a strip club, a hotel, pulled over with weed in his car, a gas station shooting, another night club, a spitting incident at a night club, a triple shooting at a Vegas strip club, and this recent hotel incident.

How many times can one idiot get the same chances? Does the National Football League need this kind of guy (read: garbage)??? Look, I'm not even a Cowboys fan. You could even say my second favorite team is whoever is playing Dallas that week. But come on. Give it a rest. Pac is just lucky to be out of jail.

I have the feeling he's going to pull a Verbal Kint, and disappear. Only he won't get into a Jaguar and cruise off into the sunset. He'll end up in an 8 by 8 with three squares daily. Or dead.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Top ten people you see in law school

Channeling my best inner Shatner (which, admittedly, might not be so great)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent, or in some cases, the obnoxious. But the stories this list reveals are all too real, sometimes chilling...

1. The wanna be gunner. This person, usually female, sits in the front of the class room and usually asks one to two questions per class, almost always at the end of class, and the answer is usually the footnote at the end of the chapter. We get it, lady, you read the book. We know, the professor knows, everybody knows. Give it a rest.

2. The chatty charlie. This guy usually sits in the back or in the corner and chats throughout class. No, this is not me. I may or may not sometimes make comments, usually off-color, but I whisper. Charlies speak in nearly a full "outside voice."

3. The frat-tastic guy. This guy still refuses to admit he's no longer in undergrad. Usually dressed in his finest graphic t-shirt, which apparently only comes in a medium, Frat-tastic guy only has jeans with holes in them.

4. The RIDICULOUS question guy. Unlike #1, this is invariably a guy. His hypotheticals usually focus on trapdoors, potential murders, dragons, hob-goblins, spring-loaded guns, and whether the duty to warn applies.

5. The no freakin way am I going to admit I'm not prepared for class, ever, no matter the cost, guy. This lovable character usually wastes everybody's time by stuttering, stammering and "bullsh*tting" his way through a question or recitation. I use quotation marks because it is often painfully obvious that the person in question is utterly under prepared and could not repeat the last statement made in class if his life depended on it.

6. The maybe used to be but now is not even close to svelte hooker. This is the lovely young lady who wants to make sure everybody knows what her upper, upper thighs look like, especially when "covered" by a skirt that clings to her pasty legs, held only by the collective hopes of everybody in the room.

7. The creepy turns around when people are reciting behind him, only not for a quick glance but for the ENTIRE recitation guy. I don't think anything more needs to be said here, let's just move on.

8. The way too many bottles and cans and cups on the table guy. Seriously, do you need 4 beverages or more to get through one class period? I'm all for proper hydration people, but do you need a Red Bull, 2 waters, a Diet Dr. Pepper and some apple juice?

9. The constant texter. Hello people, this caused a train accident. Very recently. More than 30 people died. You may received a text about it. Telling your buddies how many Michelob Ultras you drank last night can wait, chief.

10. The work-out shirt guy. Ok, we are all on notice that you go to the gym. Although when you're still wearing the same sleeveless Florida Gators shirt in November, the image you portray isn't exactly what you think it is.

Honorable mentions include Same freakin' hoodie every day, from August to May girl (when do you wash that hoodie, lady? It's becoming ridiculous!); The I'm so tired person (yeah, we're all tired ace, its law school, not grade school); and finally, The always talking on the cell phone in the library during exams guy (shut it down, fella, we couldn't care less).

Friday, October 10, 2008

A few words on friendship

What is the real meaning of a "friend"?

Is a friend somebody who would stay up all night during a hurricane and play a best of 21 pool series?

Is a friend somebody, although they are more than 4800 miles away, who will send you cigars?

Is a friend somebody who, despite denying it for years, ALWAYS drink your milk?

Is a friend somebody who always has space on the couch for you to crash?

Is a friend somebody who will pick you up when you're walking down Broadway in the middle of the night?

Is a friend somebody who will drive the lane, 1 on 5?

Is a friend somebody who will not laugh when you come up with ridiculous rap names?

Is a friend somebody who will agree to a bbq or crawfish boil at the drop of a hat?

Is a friend somebody who will look the other way while the British animal cookies disappear?

The answer is yes. Happy Birthday, Paul.

Brad Lidge: Happiness, Jealousy or Spite?

What to make of Brad Lidge? The Astros one time dynamite, Lights Out (hope I don't get sued for that potential trademark infringement) and also one time walking disaster, closer has been nothing short of dominant this season. Ole Brad went 41 for 41 in save situation this regular season, and has followed that incredible mark by closing out 4 games and counting this post season for the Phillies.

Leaving aside the garbage we got back in the trade from the Phillies (Mike Bourn couldn't hit water falling out of a boat), Lidge simply had to leave Houston. The ghost from that moon ball Pujols (my arse he's 29, but whatever...he's bald) still haunted Lidge in Houston. He had to go.

But anyway, I am conflicted when seeing Lidge's success, which borders on historic dominance (almost as good as Gagne is 2003, minus the juice and the needles in the buttocks [defamation? truth is my defense]).

Should I root for him? Should i hope he blows out his elbow? Should i hope for a frozen rope up the middle? I don't know.

On one hand, he was so good for us for 4 seasons, as both a set up man and a closer. He came up in our system, was a 1997 first round pick, was one of 7 pitchers in the Yankee Stadium no hitter, we never would have made the 2005 World Series without him. That home run Pujols hit didn't keep the 'stros from the series. we made the series the next game, so that mammoth shot (bringing back memories of Trey's tequila in Vegas) was in all honesty meaningless. He was a good guy, for all we know. He faced the media like a stand up guy. didn't beat his wife in the parking lot (you knew if i ever had a blog, I'd be taking shots at Lugo, you had to see that one coming)

Maaaaaaaaaaan, he killed that World Series. Scott freaking Podsednik? He hit a game winning homer? Really? Good night, that was terrible. Awful. Then the next year, 2006, he was hit or miss. Yanked from the closer role, back to being the closer, then back to the 7th inning. You could tell he wasn't the same. You could see he wasn't the same Lidge. Yeah, they played the same music when he came in, but you knew he wasn't Lights Out. (channeling my inner Hubie Brown and his personal war with the 2nd person).

Then he goes to Philly and has this kind of season? Part of me wants to cheer for him, part of me wants to see him fall on his face. He didn't have immediate success (happy, Bagel?), he had to fight through injury, and then he was good. and then so bad.

Bottom line
I think I have to cheer for him. the pros outweigh the cons, barely. I'm pulling for the guy. But if he fails, i just might smile.

youtube broadcast yourself moment of the day

In honor of election season, let's have a vote. (leave Barrack Obama alone)

Which video rendition of the National Anthem do you enjoy more? I'm not asking which one is better, more significant, more artistic, or funnier. The answer to each of those questions is clear. (Whitney, push, Whitney, Carl)

Let's set the scene for #1. January 1991, the first Gulf War had just started. Patriotism was at a near all-time high. Whitney Houston delivered the performance of her lifetime (note: sadly, the "high" notes she hit were a direct result of cocaine ingestion). Anyway, on to the video. (note: you have to cut and paste the url, please)

Here is #2, the all time great US sprinter, Carl Lewis. Carl was an incredible track star, winning an incredible 9 gold medals. Carl's dominance ended while he was wearing spandex and short shorts (that is not an indictment of his "personal life" [not there is anything wrong with that]). And on to the video.

So folks, which rendition do you enjoy more. This is entirely subjective, and there is no wrong answer (something like a Torts 2 exam). I myself prefer Whitney's version, but, hey, that's just me.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I don't mean to be sexist, but...

Now let me preface this with saying I think women are entirely equal to men. Obviously, there are some physical differences (not that, pervert). Men are, on average, bigger and stronger than women. There are some things men can do better than women. There are, on the other hand, some things women do better than men. But, let me make my point before this tangent leads me down the wrong path...

Women CANNOT do the "what's up" head nod. At all. The nod does not work for women. It looks silly, just silly when they do the nod. Guys, and there is a difference between men and guys, but that's best left for another day, can naturally do the head nod. There is an entire language guys use. There is the "what's up" head nod. That is the one where the head goes up slightly. There is also the "good job/congratulation" head nod, which is a slight downturn of the head, no smile. There is the "Seeya later" head nod, which looks much like the "good job/congratulations" nod, only with a smile.

Guys have mastered this subtle form of communication. There was that dark era in the 80's with the point and click (think Miami Vice, or your weird uncle Stu) motion, but, after time, we have recovered from that era. Some times, the head nod is utterly appropriate because you want to greet someone, or say good bye, but are talking to somebody else. Rather than be rude to either person, you can continue your conversation and say whats up or seeya later with a slight move of the head. It's really more efficient.

Also, its 1:19 and OU sucks.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

first take: introduction

Well, sir, or madam, if the case may be, here we go. I figured it was time I got onto the ole blogosphere. thanks to tipper's husband, that bearded fellow, we can use this here Internet, or as some like to call it, a series of tubes, for communication, entertainment, and most importantly, a little levity and fun. let's face it, without some humor every once and again, life would be mundane.

Now, I'm not promising to tell you something you ha vent heard before. I'm not promising what I'm saying will be earth shattering, or, hell, even all that relevant (403 balancing test?). but what I'm setting out to do is to joke around a little, have some fun, and share some laughs.

first public service announcement of the week....(leave Juno alone!)

organic milk is FANTASTIC. Luke-George told me about Horizon organic milk. he told me it stays good for close to a month, and you don't end up throwing most of the half gallon away because it smells like expensive cheese. not only does this milk last, and for roughly the same price, but it actually tastes better than the regular milk those average Joe half gallons have been drinking since they were in short pants (that "joke" was for Trey). anyway, its pretty good. i always thought that the organic food craze was some sort of fad, much like some people thought the Internet was, but this milk is damned good. it doesn't go bad, and it tastes great. the litmus test will be for a Caucasian (Gary), but only time will tell.

finally, i will be stealing most of my "jokes" from other places, so if you recognize it or "get" it, awesome. but there is no need to tell me that you heard that somewhere else. of course you did, I'm not that creative. let's be honest.

so, leave some comments, make some friends, and have fun. thank you, and good night.