Monday, October 13, 2008

Top ten people you see in law school

Channeling my best inner Shatner (which, admittedly, might not be so great)

The names have been changed to protect the innocent, or in some cases, the obnoxious. But the stories this list reveals are all too real, sometimes chilling...

1. The wanna be gunner. This person, usually female, sits in the front of the class room and usually asks one to two questions per class, almost always at the end of class, and the answer is usually the footnote at the end of the chapter. We get it, lady, you read the book. We know, the professor knows, everybody knows. Give it a rest.

2. The chatty charlie. This guy usually sits in the back or in the corner and chats throughout class. No, this is not me. I may or may not sometimes make comments, usually off-color, but I whisper. Charlies speak in nearly a full "outside voice."

3. The frat-tastic guy. This guy still refuses to admit he's no longer in undergrad. Usually dressed in his finest graphic t-shirt, which apparently only comes in a medium, Frat-tastic guy only has jeans with holes in them.

4. The RIDICULOUS question guy. Unlike #1, this is invariably a guy. His hypotheticals usually focus on trapdoors, potential murders, dragons, hob-goblins, spring-loaded guns, and whether the duty to warn applies.

5. The no freakin way am I going to admit I'm not prepared for class, ever, no matter the cost, guy. This lovable character usually wastes everybody's time by stuttering, stammering and "bullsh*tting" his way through a question or recitation. I use quotation marks because it is often painfully obvious that the person in question is utterly under prepared and could not repeat the last statement made in class if his life depended on it.

6. The maybe used to be but now is not even close to svelte hooker. This is the lovely young lady who wants to make sure everybody knows what her upper, upper thighs look like, especially when "covered" by a skirt that clings to her pasty legs, held only by the collective hopes of everybody in the room.

7. The creepy turns around when people are reciting behind him, only not for a quick glance but for the ENTIRE recitation guy. I don't think anything more needs to be said here, let's just move on.

8. The way too many bottles and cans and cups on the table guy. Seriously, do you need 4 beverages or more to get through one class period? I'm all for proper hydration people, but do you need a Red Bull, 2 waters, a Diet Dr. Pepper and some apple juice?

9. The constant texter. Hello people, this caused a train accident. Very recently. More than 30 people died. You may received a text about it. Telling your buddies how many Michelob Ultras you drank last night can wait, chief.

10. The work-out shirt guy. Ok, we are all on notice that you go to the gym. Although when you're still wearing the same sleeveless Florida Gators shirt in November, the image you portray isn't exactly what you think it is.

Honorable mentions include Same freakin' hoodie every day, from August to May girl (when do you wash that hoodie, lady? It's becoming ridiculous!); The I'm so tired person (yeah, we're all tired ace, its law school, not grade school); and finally, The always talking on the cell phone in the library during exams guy (shut it down, fella, we couldn't care less).

7 comments:

LegalBeagle said...

You forgot the ever so humble "I'm so stressed out because I just have soo many call-backs and offers and I just don't know if I can really accept only $3000/week and live in NY" girl, who is usually friends with the "I don't give a sh*t about what I do because I have a cushy job lined up at daddy's law firm, but I'm going to pretend to be stressed so I look cool" guy. Maybe those are just the 2L kids...

J said...

I think who you are trying to channel is your inner Robert Stack.

PT said...

A B-lister, but still worthy of honorable mention, the kid who got one good grade and let everyone know about it, but fails to disclose his 2.0 gpa, and someone who should make everyone's list, Ms. 1L who sleeps with 3L's because she believes in osmosis.

Shae said...

"The always talking on the cell phone in the library during exams guy" - Every time I see that guy, he's on his cell phone. I thought it was permanently fused to his ear.

What about "I'm in the BOA and I need to let everyone know how important I am because of that fact" girl.

kaduke said...

Law school sounds terrible. I thought everyone just surfed the web the whole time.

Lauren said...

I'm ready to be at the top of your "Top ten most awesome people in law school." I'll even be willing to write my own bio.

emily said...

Dude, if you could only see the med school lineup... There's definitely crossover, and some other freaks...