A Word on Professionalism

Now, I don't want to sound like some sort of an elitist or jerk or anything with this post, so I'm going to be careful with the tone. But, I feel like something needs to be said about professionalism and behavior in general.

At this point in life, many of the readers of this blog are lawyers (remember when we passed the bar?), medical students and physicians, MBAs, teachers, engineers, PhD candidates, professionals, etc. What I'm getting at is that we are all adults (or, in some cases, do a great job of pretending to be an adult) and need to act like adults in certain situations.

I'm talking about hanging out at somebody's house or even when you're out with your friends (although I do have some thoughts on this too). I'm talking about social settings with other professionals.

Recently, I was at a post bar passing/swearing in ceremony celebration at a law firm here in Houston. They were serving beer and wine, along with other soft drinks. I think there is nothing wrong with having some wine or even a beer or two in such a setting. But to have so many drinks (or to show up drunk) and then end up slurring your words, shouting about strippers or shouting out 12 lettered profanities is going too far.

That is not a slight mis-step on the fine line of acceptable social drinking. This is both embarrassing and shameful. I'm not naming any names, but those of you who were at the Abraham, Watkins event know exactly what and who I'm talking about. And it's not like this was an isolated incident. It's actually worrisome for this pattern of behavior to continue unchecked. Perhaps a call to the Texas Lawyer's Assistance Program is in order. I'm not joking.

Second, when you're meeting your friends in a professional social setting, an elaborate high five interaction seems unnecessary. A simple hand shake is fine with me. Sometimes, more than a simple hand shake is appropriate. I would say seeing an old friends for the first time in a while or seeing a really close friend warrants more than a hand shake.

But every time you see a casual acquaintance does not warrant a four to seven part hand shake coupled with bringing it in for that whole one-armed hug thing. Call me old fashioned if you want, but it's just inappropriate. I'm not saying nobody can do it, but if you're an adult (or have a grown up job or degree) act like one. You're making the rest of us look bad.

And while we're on the topic of public greetings of friends and colleagues, let me just voice my displeasure with the quick-peck-on-the-cheek-hello-and-goodbye-greeting. I don't like it. I'm not European, and neither are most of you. A hug is certainly appropriate and acceptable. Again, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't think it's right.

Hypocrits: You Really Grind My Gears, Jerks

Hypocrisy. This is my number one pet peeve. It really grinds my gears. Man, it's probably bad for my blood pressure to even write this (warning sign of getting old--alert, alert)

Now, this is a sports spring board, but not a sports topic. So, for those of you who complain about sports, just wade through the sports to get to the point or just tune in later this week. Either way is fine with me. Thanks.

So, you know who is a huge (pronounced: YUUUGE) hypocrite? Pete Carroll, USC's head coach.

Yeah, he's won a lot of games (not against Texas and VY, but I digress) and scored a lot of points. He's pretty famous for running up the score on inferior and defeated teams. Not as bad as the Oklahoma Sooners and Big Game Bob Stoops (sarcasm) but bad. (As a quick aside, what do Oklahoma and Rice Krispies have in common? Well, Rice Krispies know what to do in a bowl.)

Anyway, USC routinely runs up the score on other teams. Earlier this season, Stanford finally defeated USC and ran up the score. Badly. They scored 55 points and even attempted to go for two to score more points late in the game. They afterward provided some thinly veiled excuses about going up by 4 scores, but we all knew they wanted to kick sand in USC's face.

And boy was Pete Carroll upset. He whined and cried about the score being run up on him and his team. Not so nice on the other side of a beat down, is it Pete?

So, last night, against UCLA, up two touchdowns in the final seconds with the game decided, what does ole Pete do? Calls for a play action pass deep down field for a touchdown? Yes, you're right. He was running up the score. Again. After whining about it being done to him.

I don't even that much of a problem with running up the score. Coach up your team, have 'em ready to play and you shouldn't get blown out of the water too man y times. But, it does happen from time to time. Get over it. Coach up the team for the next game. But, if you routinely run up the score on Arizona State and Washington State and Stanford, one of these days those weaker teams are going to come back and thrash you. And they're going to love doing it. So, if you act like a child and hoot and holler and jump around when you're up 40 points, you damn well better expect the same thing to happen to you.

But, after running up the score on people for years and then having your team get smoked by Stanford, don't go whining about it. Especially don't go whining about it when you know full well you will run up the score the next time you can, ie, UCLA.

You're a hypocritical whiner, Pete Carroll. You can't talk out of both sides of your mouth, man. It's baloney. And, believe me, I want to use harsher language but I'll continue to keep the blog family friendly. But that really grinds my gears.

12 Hours of Stupidity

Allow me to set the scene.

Yesterday was Will McMillan's birthday. No, that's not the stupid part. Don't try to make this a shot at William. Relax. So, we were at Cedar Creek on 19th street in the Heights. It was a nice night, so we were sitting outside next to the creek at the back of the establishment.

Sitting a few tables away from us, maybe 15 feet away, was a group of three guys and two woman. I hesitate to call them men (and certainly not gentlemen) based on their behavior, but I'll let you be the judge of that. For the record, they were about 30 years old, give or take.

So, this group of five was maybe 10 to 12 feet from the creek. For those of you who don't live in Houston or haven't been to Cedar Creek, there is a small creek running along the back of the outdoor area. It's maybe (maybe) 10 inches deep at most times, but there is a steep bank on either side. You have to cross a bridge if you park in the parking lot behind the bar. Nonetheless, there is water in the creek. It's not a dry creek (that's a joke for the Houstonians).

Anyway, two of the three guys (I think at this point I can [I certainly want to] call them morons, but, again, I'll let you decide for yourself) decide to throw something into the creek. They start laughing and carrying on, but nobody is really paying attention at this point. One of the guys goes into the creek to retrieve what had landed on the far bank of the creek. He throws it back to the others and they go for round two.

When round two of the throwing starts, we notice that the hurled object is lighting up. That peaks my interest, and, as I'm not shy, I approached these guys to see what the deuce they were throwing. I thought maybe it was a small flash light or something like that.

Turns out, they were throwing their cell phones. Their own cell phones. That were fully functioning. At the creek. That had water in it. Now, it should be noted that these guys were not drunk. They had a few bottles on their table, but they were not drunk. They didn't appear to be under any other influence, besides sheer stupidity. But I digress.

Turns out, the object of the game (certainly not the reason for it -- that still escapes me) was to throw your phone, underhanded, as close to the water as possible, without the phone going in the water. Of course, some throws went over the creek bed and skidded into the parking lot. And some didn't land on the bank of the creek but actually went into the creek.

One of the phones, when thrown back to the crowd of idiots (I think at this point we can all agree that these people were and probably will continue to be idiots) landed in the fire pit next to these people. All in all, it was a righteous display of stupidity.

But, that was not the only stupidity in the last 12 hours. Let me set the scene, once again. When it rains, I park in the county garage. It has tunnel access to the DA's office. I can go through security there also. So, around 750 this morning, there was a line of maybe 7 or 8 people and one metal detector and one security employee.

So, the guy in the front of the line who was dressed like a defense attorney and not a criminal was having some trouble understanding that the metal detector detects... metal. He didn't take off his watch. He didn't take the keys out of his pocket. He didn't take the change out of his pocket.

That's not that bad, really. Some metal detectors are more sensitive than others and some shoes or belts set off the detectors and some others don't. I've learned which belts set off the alarm and which don't. But anyway. This guy eventually had to get wanded and was then allowed to enter the building.

Let's get to the truly stupid part, now, shall we. The guy behind this first lawyer was also similarly dressed and looked like a semi-incompetent defense attorney(this was later proved when he asked which floor County Court 15 was on and seemed confused when somebody told him floor 11 and not 15). (Also, please note, I'm not bashing criminal defense attorneys. I will most likely be one at some point in my life, perhaps very soon).

After seeing all of the metal objects the first guy in line needed to take out of his pockets, this guy went through the metal detector and it started wailing. He forgot to take out his keys. His Black Berry. His change. His belt buckle was enormous and needed to be taken off. His boots needed to be taken off.

All of these objects remained on his person. Each time through the metal detector, one more would be removed. After seeing what had just happened, he still didn't quite seem to understand what was happening. After all of this, he remembered that he had an artificial knee and should just get wanded before walking into the building.

Now, I realize I can be a bit impatient at times. You can keep your snide remarks to yourself, thank you very much. But, it really isn't rocket science or long division here folks. Metal detectors detect metal. I thought that was self explanatory. But hey, some people could be unfamiliar with how certain metal detectors work. And maybe he was only in the tunnels because it was raining. That's not stupid, per se. It's maybe foolish, but not stupid. BUT, to see the guy in front of you having the same problem as you and not be able to figure it out, that, my friends (channeling my best Brent Musberger) is utterly and entirely stupid.

You know what really grinds my gears? Mini Edition 2

Let's jump right in folks.

1. Two and a Half Men. The kid's not cute and funny. Now he's a jerk. And the whole show is about smutty jokes. Now, I realize I've made (more than) my share of off color jokes, but I've refrained on this blog. Believe me, it's been difficult. (See, I just did it again.) I think its possible to be funny without being crude. And this show is just crude. And no longer funny. It really grinds my gears.





2. Farmville. Now, I know Bagel and Laura play farmville. I'm not going to judge. But I just don't get it. And now that I've blocked Farmville on my facebook feed, it doesn't even annoy me anymore. So, I guess I'm just confused and not so much gear ground (I think that's the proper past tense but what do I know?)





3. So, there are these jokers on bike taxis that fly around downtown. I understand it's a good idea for concerts and sporting events. If you park far away and don't want to walk 10-12 blocks in the sweltering Houston heat, you don't have to. Some slap jockey will be happy to pedal you there for a few dollars.





However, when it's not oppressively hot (you could even call it cold when it drops below 70 in Houston), it's not that hard to walk 3 blocks to your office. You don't need to be pedaled there. When these jokers ask if you want a ride and you say no, they really shouldn't curse at people. Especially those of us who will complain about it and post it on the internet. I suppose by now you realize this happened to me, and I don't like being called a cheap anything, let alone what 45 year old tattoo bike jockey has to add to the conversation. It's just not a good business model, people.





4. Peter King looks like George Wendt. This isn't a complaint, but I felt it was appropriate to mention now. Also, in the hopes of this catching on, the Rocket's new player Chase Budinger should be called Vinny Chase Budinger, because nobody scores like Vinny Chase.





5. 24 hours of college basketball in mid November is just nuts. I understand ESPN wants to flex its muscles and show case the sport that gave the sports leader its start, but come on. I don't even care about college basketball till after football. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. Let's all take a deep breath and relax.

You know who really grinds my gears: Mini version

You know what really grinds my gears? Well, lucky for you I've collected by various complains and conveniently listed them here. This is a mini version for reasons I will explain in entry number 1.

1. I'll keep this short, because many of you are in the same boat as me, have previously taken this cruise, or have already purchased your tickets. If you were able to keep up with that shallow and pedantic nonsense, you'll know (or at least have an inkling) that I'm talking about waiting for bar results. I think I studied enough. I hope I studied enough. I'm constantly knocking on wood and crossing my fingers. I'm not really all that superstitious, but I am with this. I'm even reluctant to type this, but I don't think there is anything else I can do. In addition, I'm a pretty calm person. I'm not really prone to panic. I'm not an anxious person. But I'm feeling anxious about this. I just want to know if I passed or not. I know some of you are more nervous or anxious than I am and are not sleeping well. Just think, it's not the end of the world. One way or another, it's not the end of the world. I think I'm convincing myself as much as anyone else with this. Let's move on to more trivial things.

2. The Black Jack Taco at Taco Bell. Come on, who thinks a black taco is a good idea. I wonder what ideas didn't make it out to market? How about the garbage-colored nachos? Maybe the cat litter burrito? Is this just me? Hello?

3. People who only respond to a text message or Google chat message with "lol." I now I covered something like this earlier in a rant about cell phone and communication etiquette (don't respond with just "k" and eliminate all unnecessary responses). But, "lol" is unnecessary. If I said something funny to you, chances are I did so on purpose. Now, I'm sure I'm not as funny as I think I am. I readily admit other people are funnier than I am. Jeremy, I'm talking about you, among numerous others. And I appreciate all sorts of humor, even if it's at my expense. But responding with just "lol" means to me "I don't have anything else to say but think I need to respond otherwise this could be awkward." Feel free to cut that out, at least with me. Now, if something is funny AND you have something else to add to the conversation, go ahead and say "lol" and whatever else you want to say. I'm all for it. In fact, I encourage it.

4. I'm confident many other people share this complaint, but I feel it needs to be said. When people truly know nothing, they often speak with the utmost confidence. It's like they're even trying to convince themselves that they're not talking through their hats. And you guys know me. It's hard for me to let people say dopey or worse things and not correct them. I'm confident that I know some stuff here and there and plenty of random knowledge, but to hear people say utterly stupid things and try to sell that bill of goods to other people is highly annoying. You could even say it grinds my gears. That's it for now.

Top Reality Shows: Yes, Another List

I'll admit, I've never been a huge reality TV show fan. Back in 1998, I watched about 30 minutes of Survivor before I gave up on it. I know some people really enjoy that show, as well as numerous others such as American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, The Bachelor, Big Brother, and so on.

I've never liked these shows, but I will give them credit for being wildly popular. I think a big push for reality TV has been from the networks. These shows don't pay actors, don't pay (many) writers (because it's all so real, get it?) and the production costs are low. If the show flops, no big deal. And if it is a success, its a huge profit.

Anyway, there are some "reality" (and I think I'm using the term pretty loosely) TV shows that I do enjoy. Most of them are on the Travel Channel or the Food Network. None of them are on VH1 (T.O. show, this means you).

One more thing. I don't really seek these shows out, but I will watch when they are on. It's kind of like College Basketball before March Madness. I have a general awareness of what's going on, but I'm not committed to making much of an effort to seek it out. (Notice I said before March. I don't want to hear complains about how great the tournament is. I get it. Opening weekend is one of my top 4 sports moments of the year.) So, here's the list of reality TV shows that I like.

1. No Reservations. Host Anthony Bourdain is at times very funny and at all times very full of himself. He talks way too damned much. And he really only knows what he's talking about in a few situations. But still, I love this show. He goes to exotic places (mostly) and does things that are off the beaten path. I enjoy watching this show. Also, he doesn't do that many gross things, like somebody later down on this list. I love traveling and I enjoy seeing places I haven't seen on TV. It's a good concept. Take some guy who is obnoxious but somewhat knowledgeable and send him all over the world to do different and random and local things. And then put it on TV with some (too much) of the host talking about what he did.

2. ManVentures. It could also be called Madventures, I'm not sure. Its sometimes difficult to understand these two dudes as they speak with their Swedish or Finnish accents. I'll admit, I've only seen about 2.5 episodes, but they've all been outstanding. Basically, these two dopes go around touring the world and doing stupid/adventurous things. They snuck into Cambodia once. One guy is the host and the other guy is the camera man. I don't think anyone else is involved. They're both highly unstable and unpredictable, and it makes for GREAT TV. Also, I think that these guys have consumed massive quantities of drugs and their brains don't quite work correctly. Again, fascinating.

3. Iron Chef. This includes both the Japanese version (which I don't think still airs) and the newer American version. I enjoy cooking and I think I'm pretty good at cooking some stuff. But to watch most of the people on this show is simply amazing. Now, don't get carried away, I'm not comparing myself to Iron Chefs or even the contestants. They are all some of the best chefs in the world. But, I do enjoy the creativity on the show. Even if they try to make a lot of weird things into ice cream, it's still a good show. It's been a while since I've watched Iron Chef, but I've always liked it. Watching people take something like oysters and easily make it into 5 or more (nearly) flawlessly executed dishes in less than an hour is incredible. And, let's not lose sight of how funny the voice overs were into English from the Japanese version.

4. Bizarre Foods. Some of you will recall I pointed out that I don't like this Andrew Zimmern joker in the past. Well, I've slightly changed my mind. Slightly. I like the show. Zimmern goes to cool places, much like Bourdain does. And he does some pretty wacky stuff, again, much like Bourdain. But he eats way too many gross things. Bourdain always eats pork, but Zimmern always eat animal genitalia. Sorry, I know it's gross, but he does it. In every episode I've seen he's eaten something awful. My father, a man who worked in Emergency Rooms and Operating Rooms for a long time and has seen just about any injury, no matter how gross, even finds this part of the show offensive.

5. Man vs. Food. The premise of the show is really cool. Some guy going around the country, checking out the local flavor, and eating some good food. If you followed my BBQ Road Trip blog, you'll know I love this kind of stuff. There's something inherently American about hitting the open road and seeing the differences from region to region, state to state and even city to city. And I think it's great. Here's my problem with this show. The host, Adam Richman, is so annoying. He's not funny. He's an idiot. And he should be replaced. Really, any joker can do his job. He never wins the eating contests, unless it's something that is hot and he can just eat it in two bites and drink milk as soon as possible. This show has potential, but the host is dragging it down.

6. Chopped. This is another cool show on the Food Channel, if you don't know. Chefs come in, are given mystery ingredients and have to create an appetizer, a main course and dessert. After each portion of the meal, one of the four chefs is "chopped." The winner gets money. It's a good premise, even if its kind of a mini version of Iron Chef. The funniest parts are seeing people struggle with how to make something good out of Gummy Bears, Ground Pork, Fennel fronds and Matzoh Ball Mix. There is always one or two ingredients that are just so off the wall compared to the others the chefs must use. I like this show. The judges are also very harsh towards the competitors. It's great.

7. Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. This is the exact same show as #5, only no eating contests. The idea behind the show is really cool, but the host is a jackass. So, the only real difference is the channel. Bonus trivia: Guy (that's his name, I'm not using a description) ate at Lankford Grocery here in Houston and thought it was great. He does get some points back in my book for this.

8. Hell's Kitchen. This show is about some young chefs trying to get their break into the big time from Gordon Ramsey. They compete in contests and in cooking. Each week, one character is sent home. It's pretty good, even if it's formulaic. There is also a lot of the forced breaks that are seemingly inherent in all reality shows. This show does get bonus points because Gordon Ramsey talks a lot of sh&t. And he's funny to me and intimidating to the contestants, which makes for great TV. In addition, Gordon throws things at people all the time. And people who lose flip out constantly.

9. Earlier, I dedicated an entire blog post to this show, so I won't rehash. I'll just say that Whale Wars is a monument to the stupidity of people and how easily a snake oil salesman can take advantage of people. Look, I'm not saying I'm anti-whale or anti-Earth anything, but come on. Fanaticism of any kind is over the top. But it does make for good TV.

What did I leave out? Anything I should know about? And "Battlestar Gallictica" is not an acceptable answer on this post.

Best TV Dramas

Just to be clear, since some people have not been able to keep up, this is a list of dramas. Dramas, meaning not comedies. Just kidding Colin. But seriously, this is a list of dramas.

1. 24. I'm not sure how good the last season of 24 was, but every season before 2009 was awesome. I used to watch on DVD or DVR because the suspense from episode to episode was too much. I just couldn't wait for the next episode. My favorite was the season where Jack went to Mexico. Although the first four seasons were all incredible. The novelty factor of the show is also noteworthy.

2. Law and Order. This show contributed to my desire to be a lawyer in a major way. Jack McCoy is one of my favorite characters of all time. This, in my opinion, is the best cop show and the best lawyer show at the same time. Even some the spin offs are pretty good. SVU and CI were good. The trial bureau show was a flop, but how much did Lenny's death have to do with that?

3. The Wire. I had seen a few episodes from time to time over the years. Not having HBO in my apartment contributed to this fact. But, after the bar exam, my cousin (who also took the bar in California [Hi Jay!]) and I managed to watch the entire series in less than 2 weeks. Ok, there are about 60 hours of the show, total, but I still think that was a lot of TV. And, after the bar, it was great to be able to sit and watch as compared to sit and study. Each season is different with some carryover of characters. This is a GREAT show. If you haven't seen it, drop everything and watch. I'll wait. You can read the rest of this post later. Trust me.

4. Lost. Ok, I'll admit I was obsessed with this show. I didn't watch it until before this past season, but I caught up on DVD quickly. I got season 1 for my mom for Christmas and "borrowed" the DVDs once. I watched all of season 1 when I was sick once in almost one day. I couldn't move from the couch. Season 1 was that good. In my opinion, and I know this won't be popular, but I think each season has gotten worse and worse over time. I will say that only last season was disappointing. The first 4 were great, but they got worse and worse.

5. The Sopranos. This was such a good show. Most of you know I love all gangster movies, especially mafia movies. This was like a 60 minute gangster movie every Sunday. I even enjoy re-watching some of the episodes. So many of the characters had been on other shows or movies as gangsters before, and this just added to the success of the show.

6. Rome. I don't know how many of you watches this two season show, but it was one of HBO's best shows. As far as I could tell, the show was pretty accurate historically. The plot was riveting. My only complaint is that I wish there were more episodes.

7. House. I know this isn't the most "realistic" medical show on TV, but I just like it. Maybe it's because I'm not a doctor (I do pretend to have medical knowledge all the time though), but the lack of reality or authenticity just doesn't bother me. Plus, House is so sarcastic. Clearly, I find that funny. There's also something to be said for his lack of political correctness, which, frankly, I love.

8. Homicide: Life on the Street. This was another great cop show. It was like Law and Order, but only the first thirty minutes. It followed the police half of Law and Order. The second best show about cops and the second best show about Baltimore.

9. The X-Files. Before this became all about aliens, this was a good show. The episode about the Chinese Lottery and the episode about the African who ate people's pituitary glands are two of the best episodes. I remember being freaked out when I saw them. Also the show about the crazy incestuous family in Pennsylvania was freaky. Great show when it wasn't only about aliens. Sure, some of the alien stuff was good, but in the end, it consumed the show.

10. I'm reserving #10 for the shows I've heard are good but haven't watched. And, who says it has to be a top 10 list? I'm not David Letterman. (Are you enjoying the shrimp?) CSI, Friday Night Lights, and the West Wing.

Ok, what did I leave out? What should I have watched or included? Please don't make any Walker: Texas Ranger jokes.