Thursday, February 4, 2010

Welcome to the Freakshow Part 2

Ok, so earlier I blogged about some of the weirdos who live in my apartment complex. I'll reiterate that it's a fine place to live. Not the most glamorous of places but it is a good location. It's been good to me over the years. Anyway, on the the post.

The gym is seemingly the epicenter of the wackos and freaks who live here. I've maintained that for some time. I'll get there in a moment, but let me provide a little background.

Back when Frenchy and Stephen lived in this complex, we used to hang out at their apartment frequently. I'd walk over to the west side of the complex and a good time was had by all. Many of you have been to our parties over there. You can vouch for that.

Anyhoo, soon before they left, this weird, short, old lady moved in to an apartment on that side. She's always look at us (mostly me) in a strange and distrustful way. She'd frequently double back so we wouldn't know which apartment she lived in. I used to double back on her double back just to screw with her paranoid head. Good times, really.

Which brings me to today and the gym. I'm in there trying to do a little cardio. This wacko walks in wearing an overcoat. It must have come from the kids section because it wasn't dragging on the ground and she's at most 4'8". She walks around and cases the joint before deciding what to do. She really gave me the stink eye. It freaked me out. I thought she was going to go nuts and kill all of us with the shotgun she had tucked into her overcoat.

What does she do first? Shed her overcoat to reveal a hoodie. Which then comes off revealing yet another hoodie. I'm thinking to myself, lady, it's 50 degrees. Good lord. 5 shirts is a bit much. I'm wearing shorts. Relax. It's still Houston.

Anyway, after shedding her her three outer layers (kind of like a snake) she decides to clean off one of the leg press machines. She uses the provided sanitary wipes and cleans it off. Then she decides (in a gym full of 4 or 5 guys and her) to change on the the two TVs to Discovery Health. Mind you it was on ESPN.

The guys were all on that side of the gym and watching the end of a college basketball game. Well, the Duchess decides to change it over to some crap about grandmothers in Peru. I'm not even kidding. And flops down and begins to read a magazine. Not exercise. Not share the TV. But sit, read a magazine and monopolize the TV.

The guys all look around and are thinking did that really happen? Well, of course it did. So, me, being somewhat outspoken say (and I actually said this politely [there is a small contingent of you people {no, not those people} who think I'm abrasive at all times. This is simply not true. I certainly can be and I'll admit I've done my fair share and then some of mouth running but I'm capable of being polite and pleasant and spread my share of cheer] "Ma'am, we were watching that. Can you switch it back or change the other TV away from Bravo?"

Well, of course, this lady pretends like she can't hear me. I ask again. Channel 33. No response. I ask a third time. She says she can't hear me. She gets up from the machine she'd been sitting on (not exercising) and asks me if I want to watch channel 23. I say no, 33. I show three fingers on each hand. No avail. Finally, I ask if she'll hand me the remote. She relents. Order is restored.

Now, this isn't meant to be sexist, but if there are 4 or five guys watching sports, you just shouldn't up and change the dang channel. At least ask. That's why there are two TVs. If people are clearly reacting to what's going on in the game, have some sense. They're probably watching and couldn't give two craps about Peruvian abuelas.

Finally, and this got me the worst, was after the other TV was changed to her show, she didn't even look up at it the remaining time I was there. It was on mute and she read her magazine. What the hell is going on over there?

Freak show.


Mr. Watkins said...

That's just rude. Did she do any other exercise?

Vik Vij said...

Not a single second of exercise the entire time I was there.

Luke said...

there's a group of asians who congregate in my apartment's gym on a nightly basis. when i used to go there, four or five of them would stand around and watch as one would bench press 25 pounds two or three times every five minutes. but they'd stand in the room, invariably talking really loud over the tv, taking up all the area for free weights. why?

Stephen said...

Actually the three layers is an up grade over the backless spandex swimsuit she usually wears. As a courtesy I won't go into to much more detail.

Rich said...

Wow, that is one of those stories that you just should not have to tell. I presume she has some mental issues that need to dealing with.