Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Houston: We have a problem

Yes, I made that joke. It's tired, it's weak, it's predicable. Deal with it.

On to the problem. It's cold in Houston today. 35 degrees. There is even the possibility of snow.

Now, ordinarily, when the temperature drops below 65 degrees, Houstonians lose their collective minds. You see dusters, mittens, snow hats (I refuse to call them "toboggans" -- while I've never been on a toboggan, I know it's more or less a sled and not something you put on your head. I don't care what you tell me, it's a snow hat). You should see these people, it's absolutely insane. People start up the fire place, drink cocoa, wear four layers of clothes. It's just silly. Especially since they leave their windows open those days. Those who don't open the windows keep the A/C on. So it's not exactly cold. You could even say it's cool. You're still wearing flip-flops, for God's sake!!

When it actually drops below 50, people really go ape. They start stocking up on dry goods. It's not Armageddon, chief, you won't need a crate of canned carrots or creamed corn (nice alliteration there, huh? Even if I do say so myself!!).

When it rains in Houston, people (most of whom [insert your own group here, I'm staying above the fray] can't drive worth a darn anyway) lose any ability to drive. There is a major pile up on some freeway anytime it rains. When it ices, which happens once every 9 years, it's a disaster. Houston has two (2) trucks that they can use to de-ice the roads. Two (2)!!! You know how many roads there are in Houston? It would take two (2) trucks till the next ice storm to get all the roads. I can't imagine what would happen if there was snow.

Which brings me to my point. Yesterday, it was 75 degrees. It was getting cold at night, no doubt. But this morning, it was 35 when I left my apartment. It's going to be in the 60s by Friday. But that doesn't mean people can't lose their minds. No way.

The headline on the Chronicle was about snow. People were in an uproar. Every radio station was talking about snow. People were talking about snow. The Internet was talking about snow (can the Internet talk? I'll ask Mr. Gore and get back to you on that one).

The last time it "snowed" in Houston was in 2006. I was grilling. It was Christmas eve. I had no idea what was falling from the sky. No clue. Christmas day came, and there was snow stuck to the roofs of houses. It was actually quite beautiful. It was, however, 75 degrees later that week, but that's not the point.

If it really snows in Houston, the city will cease to function. Nobody will be able to go anywhere. Nothing will get done. Chaos will ensue. That's why I'm back home. Away from the library. In case it snows, I don't want to be stranded. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


Betsy said...

once, when i was out shopping in macon, there was a rumor that it might snow and they CLOSED THE MALL in the middle of the afternoon.

FUNG! said...

Anything below 65 is just too cold. Right now my toes are about the same temperature of a dead guy's. I need the 4 layers. Deal with it.

However, people do go nuts driving. For example, on my drive home I was stuck behind someone going 5 mph. Holy crap, the asian woman driver behind him was annoyed. IT'S JUST SNOW.

Frink said...

When I was in Austin last week I thought it was hilarious that the local weather guy had to remind everyone that the blue on the map meant "cold."