Wednesday, December 10, 2008

You know what really grinds my gears Part 3

You know what really grinds my gears? People in the 19th century. Why don't they get with the freakin program? It's called an automobile, folks. It's much faster than a horse!

Ok, on to the list.

1. Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. Ok, not only is this show a total rip off of Anthony Bourdain's show but it's gross, and it sucks. Bizarre does not mean gross. Ok, let's see if I have this right. Andrew goes to different countries and cities and eats the local foods. He makes "clever" "jokes" from time to time. Where have I seen this before? Oh yeah, Bourdain. He does the same thing, except his problem is that he philosophizes too much. Ole Baldy McIdiot eats penis in every country he visits. No, not that. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But he eats some animals testicles on a stick or some animal's penis in a soup on every show. That is gross. I'll just move on.

2. People in the library who tell me to be quiet. Look, hoss, I'm a 3L. And, most importantly, I'm loud. I'm going to talk. And I'm going to talk loudly. Sorry. If you have a problem with it, go to the quiet floor. Or complain about the 1L's on their phones, or the morons who talk with their doors open. I at least close the door. Some of these rocket scientists leave the door open and talk to their buddies. Complain about them. Some people go from room to room, talking to all their friends on the 5th floor (you know who you are, people). So, don't barge into my room and smash my knee against the door and tell me to be quiet. You know I don't deal well with people telling me to be quiet. If you really want to see fireworks, ask Shae to be quiet. She's graduating in December. Tell her to keep it down, and you'll be sorry. I just hope I'm there to see it.

3. The dude who soaked a bunch of paper towels, ripped them up, made tiny spit wads out of them, and left them all over the men's room floor on the 5th floor of the library on Monday. I don't think I need to add to that, the title pretty much summed it up.

4. The Coke (bottle, not can) machine. Ok, who's idea is it to stock the machine at 11:30am. That's right before lunch, professor. If you put the bottles in the machine at 11:30, they won't be cold, or even remotely cool, by lunch time. Can this not be solved? It's not long division. We can figure it out. Let's put bottles in earlier than 11:30. I think, and I haven't doen any research on it, that if we put the bottles in the machine around 10:00 or even 10:30, they'll be cold at lunch time. That makes some sense to me. We can do this, folks. Yes we can!

5. People who wear stupid hats. Even if it's cold, for Houston, you don't need to wear a hat with ear flaps. You're not scaling Everest, Sir Edmund. It's 50 degrees. Stupid hats would also include people who wear caps sideways, or crooked, or whatever the kids call it these days. Wear it forwards, or, if you absolutely must, backwards. But not crooked. You look like a moron. Further, while admittedly I'm not the most fashion-knowledgeable person there is, trucker hats are over. That tragic era in fashion has come and gone. You're not Ashton Kutcher. Get a new hat, stud.

3 comments:

FUNG! said...

Listen. Don't make fun of my bizarre foods show. I think Bourdain isn't traveling around right now, so they need a replacement (god, I hope I'm right about this). Bourdain is great, but fat bald guy is amusing too.

I like eating weird foods [insert racial joke] and seeing foreign countries. Lay off.

I think Range Rovers should replace Bizzare foods. Where's the safari, buddy? There better be a lion strapped to your roof to justify spending $80-100K on a safari ride. Show me the giraffe!

kaduke said...

So you complain about people complaining about you being loud and then proceed to complain about others being loud. There is a word for that . . .

Vik Vij said...

you figured out what irony means, Colin. I'm so proud of you. It could never be used for comedic effect, you're right. My mistake.