Sunday, November 2, 2008

You what really grinds my gears...

The following commercials, in fact, grind my gears, to turn a phrase. In honor of the first offender, I'll make this list five, but, trust me, many more could have made this list. As always, your comments are welcomed and encouraged.

1. "Five. Five dollar. Five dollar foot long." This Subway commercial is mostly mindless, but that inane jingle always gets stuck in my head. Believe you me, when you're whistling "Five...Five dollar..." when you're trying to get a coke out of the fridge, you've got problems. And that problem is Subway. Which leads directly to #2.

2. Jared from Subway. Ok, we get it. Subway plus exercise helped you lose weight. So did the gastric bypass you fail to mention you had. Oh, you didn't mention that, did you? What a liar. And a jerk. Disclaimer: I don't actually know he had the surgery, but I just assume. Also, to quote Jeremy, "Way to go. You went from a fat slob to a nerdy loser." I'd call that a lateral move, folks.

3. "Saved by Zero." This car not only sucks, but the song is equally bad, if not worse. Now, I'm not saying Honda makes bad cars. A lot of people drive Hondas. They're dependable. Good mileage. Decent re-sale value. Pretty good buy. But good night, these commercials are terrible. Remember the one with the car who spoke to a turtle in one commercial and then to a lobster in another? Horrible. Shameful. Somebody needs to line up the ad department over at Honda and slap them, one by one.

4. Frank TV ads. During the MLB playoffs on TBS, seemingly every other pitch was followed by a promo for Frank Caliendo's "hit" "show" Frank TV. This short bald freak does one good impression, and that's John Madden. He has a few other decent ones, but to give this man a show (an entire freakin' show!!!) is just embarrassing for the rest of us. This guy could do a guest spot on a sketch comedy show from week to week. He's even mildly (not retarded, although I wanted to say that) entertaining. For about 3 to 4 minutes. But to give this a-hole a show is terrible.

5. The Charmim bathroom tissue bears. First of all, who calls it "bathroom tissue"? I'm not blowing my nose into this stuff. It's toilet paper. This isn't rocket science, folks. And I think it's just gross to give bears toilet paper. Imagine the mess that would make. Better yet, don't imagine that. It will haunt your thoughts and dreams for years. That's just gross.

Also, I hate Chris Berman. This had to be mentioned at some point.


gizmo said...

saved by zero is a toyota ad. but you're right it's terrible, and on during every commercial break of any sporting event.

kaduke said...

According to South Park, Jared lost his weight because he had AIDs. What is worse is that the Subway commercials have spawned so many other commercials (think Quiznoz's eating money commercials).

Jubei said...

Others that get stuck in my head are the commercials. I really want to take their guitar and smash it across the lead singer's throat.

On a lighter note, the Brooke Shields'/Volkswagen commericals make me want to kick her in the ovaries with a steel-toed boot.

I hate commericals.

Frink said...

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

FUNG! said...

The true Jared story: he was a fattie who ate fast food every day in his dorm.

One day they opened a Subway really close to his dorm. So, being a fattie, he was too lazy to walk further to get his usual food and started eating Subway everyday.

Surprise! He lost weight because he was eating less calories.

The end.

n.a.t.e. said...

Vik, I see why we are friends...That damn "saved by zero" song has been in my head for three weeks...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH