Monday, November 3, 2008

You what really grinds my gears...Part 2

These doozies narrowly missed the first list, but are nearly as annoying.

1. The UPS Whiteboard commercials. In all honesty, some of the transmogrifying drawings are quite clever. Some are even fairly creative. But that long-haired doofus who "stars" in the commercials is a freak of nature. You know what's worse, I can't even figure out what it is exactly I dislike so much about this guy. I don't know what it is, but he really gets under my skin. It may be that he thinks he's so great. (Random but kind of related tangent: As I'm writing this, that freakin' saved by zero ad came on. I just realized zero is the interest rate and not the name of a new model. I actually looked at the TV when this came on and learned something new. Go figure.) I always liked the "What can brown do for you?" ad campaign, for obvious reasons.

2. Red Lobster. No offense meant to the late, great Chuckie Brown (Wait, Chuckie's not dead? Really? My mistake.) but Red Lobster is garbage. Come on folks, is it really noteworthy that it is currently Lobster Fest when it is ALWAYS Lobster fest? Why don't you just tell us when it's not Lobster Fest and save the rest of us some confusion. Secondly, saving a few bucks on seafood is not exactly my idea of a good time. I'll gladly pay an extra few dollars and get the fresh seafood that wasn't rejected by the cat food factory. Let's move on.

3. Olive Garden. Really, they send their "chefs" to Tuscany to train with great Italian master chefs on the secrets of reheating factory-prepared sauce and boiling noodles. I promise, they really do that. Because we all know how much Italians love Americans, especially those American chefs who are working for Olive Garden and pumping out all those masterpieces. Give me a break. You jackasses reheat the sauce and microwave the chicken and you know it.

4. Verizon. You don't actually have those guys following us around, checking the service and towers, Verizon. It was creative. It really was. But that was 2005. How about a new ad campaign? That jerk with the thick glasses (another "fashion" trend that bothers me, but i digress) needs to go. Enough is enough. Can you hear me now?

5. ITT Tech and all the other schools for losers. OK, losers might be a harsh word, but we're not talking about the cream of the crop here, people. If you are laying on the couch around 1pm, waiting for inspiration as to what to do with your life, are these people who barely have a pulse, let alone a career, truly going to get you off your butt and into "school?" Look, I'm as in favor of people working and contributing to society as anyone else could be. But you're not going to make your dreams come true by going to ITT Tech. You might not even make more than $10 per. So let's quit selling false hopes, ITT. For their sake.

7 comments:

Brent said...

You have bested even the great Tom Tucker in my book. Well done sir. Tell me though, when will the never-ending pasta bowl return? Also, I demand you write about David Carr and how he really ground your gears.

Vik Vij said...

who is David Carr?

gizmo said...

how dare you talk about red lobster like that...

Frink said...

There was an Olive Garden commercial not that long ago talking about how their chefs got sent to the "Olive Garden Institute" in the Italian mountains, where they learn that "the secret to keeping chicken moist and tender" is stuffing it full of cheese. I think those commercials permanently turned me off to the idea of one food stuffed with a different food.

Frink said...

Oh, and who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

Vik Vij said...

frink, what about lobsters stuffed with tacos?

n.a.t.e. said...

Red lobster is the olive garden of seafood!