Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Movies you just need to know

Now, I realize I've spent (wasted, as my self-appointed "funny side kick" would say) a great deal of my life watching, memorizing (unintentionally) and quoting movies, Seinfeld, The Simpsons, Family Guy, etc. I wish I could quote literature, poetry and things of the like. But, I can't do that. I've made my peace with it.

Anyway. There are a number of movies that people of this generation just need to be able to say the next line, or another line in the movie, at least recognize the movie. That is the hierarchy. If you can't even recognize the movie, you should be ashamed. Here is how this works. The situation and the movie that works with it. If you have an suggestions, please leave them in the comments. They are always much appreciated.

1. If something smells bad, you must quote Anchorman. You must say "It's a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils. I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline."

2. Bowling. Any time you're bowling and somebody steps over the line, or even if they don't, you should quote The Big Lebowski. "Over the line. I'm sorry Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul."

3. Baseball. Any time somebody hits a home run, you must quote Major League. "Too high. What do you mean too high? Who cares? It's gone."

4. If you see somebody wearing a shirt with no sleeves in a situation that calls for sleeves, you again go to Major League. "Okay Vaughn. They say you're a pitcher, you're sure not much of a dresser. We wear caps and sleeves on this level, son."

5. Golf. If you're playing golf, Caddy Shack must be quoted. "Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greens keeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!"

Another option is "So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. "

6. If somebody is unable to make up their mind about what to eat, you can go to Caddy Shack once again. "I want a hamburger... no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake...You will get nothing and like it!"

7. If somebody is going to the grocery store, you need to give them the list from Half Baked. "Get some sour cream and onion chips with some dip, man, some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some Häagen-Dazs ice cream bars, a whole lot, make sure chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, red popcorn, graham crackers, graham crackers with marshmallows, the little marshmallows and little chocolate bars and we can make s'mores, man. Also, celery, grape jelly, Cap'n Crunch with the little Crunch berries, pizzas. We need two big pizzas, man, everything on 'em, with water, whole lotta water, and Funyons." Since that one is a lot to memorize, a partial quote will suffice.

8. Jamaica. If you're talking about Jamaica, you go back to Half Baked for this little gem. "I be from Jamaica, man. Lord have mercy. What part of Jamaica? Right near the beach, boy-eeeee!"

9. If somebody is buying cheese, you must quote Borat and ask them "What is this? Is this a cheese?" till they are completely frustrated. It doesn't take that long. Note: this doesn't actually happen very much, but I wanted to get Borat on the list. There are a number of other quotes that come up but are simply not fit for this blog.

There are a number of other movies and quotes that must be left out in order for this to remain a family friendly blog.

1 comment:

Jordy said...

One that I like to say:

When I do something stupid (shockingly often), I try and end it with a 'I was just inspecting the roto...gerter, I'm retarted'