baseball vs. football

Once it became inevitable that the Eagles would be trading quarterback Donovan McNabb, the issue then became one of timing.

And, coincidentally or not, the timing meshed with -- and overshadowed -- the bunting-filled launch of baseball season. To the dismay of MLB Commissioner Bud Selig.

Asked about the McNabb deal, Selig sounded off, per Mark Viera of the Washington Post. "Goodness gracious, I'm a football fan -- this is Opening Day," Selig said. "If you really want to know I'm going to give you a brutally honest answer. I got up at 5:30 this morning and did my daily workout. And I was watching an unnamed channel and that's all they were talking about. I turned it off, that was my reaction. My goodness gracious."

Apart from the fact that Selig violated the code of baseball elitists purists and openly acknowledged the sport they regard as pro wrestling on grass, Selig broke out a grossly outdated phrase -- twice.

Then again, "goodness gracious" probably is appropriate, since it rose to popularity in the 1960s, the last decade in which

Hey look, another list!!

Let's talk about one of the all time greats. Fajitas.

Legend has it that fajitas were invented in Houston by "Mama" Ninfa Laurenzo in 1971. After her husband died and she faced financial difficulty, Mama Ninfa opened a restaurant. One day, a customer asked her for something special. Mama Ninfa decided to place char-grilled strips of beef, along with grilled onions and peppers, inside a tortilla and serve these along with guacamole, sour cream and all the fixin's. The rest, as they say, is history.

Now, whether this story is true or not is largely immaterial. It's a good story. And it's a good segue to our list.

1. Of course, the best fajitas are at the original Ninfas on Navigation Boulevard. None of the other Ninfas are related to this one, and none of the Ninfas are still owned by the original family. But, this one is owned by the son of a woman who worked with Mama Ninfa from the get go.

In essence, these are the best fajitas in the world. People drive from all over Houston to this restaurant, which is somewhat in the hood. All the food is good, and so are the margaritas. But the best reason to come here is for fajitas. There really is no room for discussion on this point. The rest of the places are in no real particular order, but this is number one.

2. El Tiempo. This group of restaurants, including the signature 1308, are owned by the family of the late Mama Ninfa. These are very good fajitas. You can get filet mignon fajitas, if you want to. These are served in a slightly more fancy way and come with a dipping sauce. Don't get me wrong, these are very good. But not quite as good as the original.

3. Lupe Tortillas. Now, in my opinion, Lupe can be a bit hit or miss. These places are PACKED on the weekends. There are too many little kids running around. And the wait can take forever. But these fajitas are great. Perhaps the best part are the tortillas. Just great. I will say that a few times I've had fajitas that were fat too well done. (Meaning burnt). But this is a solid option, especially if it's not a weekend.

4. Cadillac Bar. These fajitas are a bit different. They come with mushrooms and other veggies. There is an option with melted cheese. A little different. But the fajitas are good.

5. Goode Co. Taqueria. Of course, Goode Co. is known more for the BBQ and the pecan pie, but the taqueria is damned good too. If you ask me, the BBQ has gone down hill a bit in recent years. Perhaps I've become spoiled by the food in the BBQ Corridor of Central Texas, but still. Take a little pride. Anyway, back to the topic. These are good solid fajitas. Way better than the salmonela inducing Pappasitos (more on this in a coming post), Goode Co. is always a solid option if you're around Kirby.

6. Guadalajara. This place does not get enough credit. They have good food. And the prices are reasonable. Sure, the fajitas aren't as good as Ninfas, but nobody can compete with those fajitas. Solid option.

Hey look, another list!!

You know one of the best part of weekends?

Breakfast. I'm not talking about a bowl of cereal or a granola bar, but a real breakfast.

Calmly and peacefully eaten, likely with coffee, breakfast is not only the most important meal of the day, it's the most delicious. With that being said, not all breakfast is created equal. There are certain breakfast superstars. Being in Texas allows some of us access to the real cream of this crop (minus the #1 stunner, so to speak)

We will go in reverse order, for a change. Let's get to the list.

6. Hash browns/tater tots/home fries/any kind of breakfast potato. Maybe because I'm Irish, but breakfast potatoes are clutch. You almost can't have a good breakfast without potatoes.

5. Shrimp omelet. That's an inside joke. I'm sorry, you probably don't get it.

4. Kolaches. I've recently learned that some people don't know what these are. I pity you. Sausage and cheese is the best. And Christie's makes the best. That is all.

3. Brunch. I include this in the broader category of breakfast because this is the first meal of the day. And it's often the last one. Combining lunch and breakfast (two of the top three meals of the day in my opinion [sorry, I couldn't resist that one]) is a great idea. Mix in a blood mary and you're off to a great start.

2. Breakfast Tacos. There is a generic entry. Filled with eggs, cheese and another item, such as chorizo, bacon and or potato and topped with salsa, these little doozies are fan-damn-tastic. If you're close to Washington Avenue in Houston, try out Laredo Tacqueria or El Rey. If you're close to downtown, try Brother's Taqueria. Although you should know they speak NO English there.

1. Chef's Special Omelet at Camelia Grill. Bacon, onions, peppers, french fries, turkey, cheese and chili. It might seem weird if you've never had it but this is the best breakfast in the world. Trust me. The ambiance is great at Camelia, but the food is even better.

If you're absolutely starving, try the pie after you eat. There is virtually no chance you'll be able to do so, but might as well try. You won't eat again till dinner time, but the Chef's Special is too good to pass up.

Note: this used to be an off-the-menu special but is now on the menu front and center.

Welcome to the Freakshow Part 2

Ok, so earlier I blogged about some of the weirdos who live in my apartment complex. I'll reiterate that it's a fine place to live. Not the most glamorous of places but it is a good location. It's been good to me over the years. Anyway, on the the post.

The gym is seemingly the epicenter of the wackos and freaks who live here. I've maintained that for some time. I'll get there in a moment, but let me provide a little background.

Back when Frenchy and Stephen lived in this complex, we used to hang out at their apartment frequently. I'd walk over to the west side of the complex and a good time was had by all. Many of you have been to our parties over there. You can vouch for that.

Anyhoo, soon before they left, this weird, short, old lady moved in to an apartment on that side. She's always look at us (mostly me) in a strange and distrustful way. She'd frequently double back so we wouldn't know which apartment she lived in. I used to double back on her double back just to screw with her paranoid head. Good times, really.

Which brings me to today and the gym. I'm in there trying to do a little cardio. This wacko walks in wearing an overcoat. It must have come from the kids section because it wasn't dragging on the ground and she's at most 4'8". She walks around and cases the joint before deciding what to do. She really gave me the stink eye. It freaked me out. I thought she was going to go nuts and kill all of us with the shotgun she had tucked into her overcoat.

What does she do first? Shed her overcoat to reveal a hoodie. Which then comes off revealing yet another hoodie. I'm thinking to myself, lady, it's 50 degrees. Good lord. 5 shirts is a bit much. I'm wearing shorts. Relax. It's still Houston.

Anyway, after shedding her her three outer layers (kind of like a snake) she decides to clean off one of the leg press machines. She uses the provided sanitary wipes and cleans it off. Then she decides (in a gym full of 4 or 5 guys and her) to change on the the two TVs to Discovery Health. Mind you it was on ESPN.

The guys were all on that side of the gym and watching the end of a college basketball game. Well, the Duchess decides to change it over to some crap about grandmothers in Peru. I'm not even kidding. And flops down and begins to read a magazine. Not exercise. Not share the TV. But sit, read a magazine and monopolize the TV.

The guys all look around and are thinking did that really happen? Well, of course it did. So, me, being somewhat outspoken say (and I actually said this politely [there is a small contingent of you people {no, not those people} who think I'm abrasive at all times. This is simply not true. I certainly can be and I'll admit I've done my fair share and then some of mouth running but I'm capable of being polite and pleasant and spread my share of cheer] "Ma'am, we were watching that. Can you switch it back or change the other TV away from Bravo?"

Well, of course, this lady pretends like she can't hear me. I ask again. Channel 33. No response. I ask a third time. She says she can't hear me. She gets up from the machine she'd been sitting on (not exercising) and asks me if I want to watch channel 23. I say no, 33. I show three fingers on each hand. No avail. Finally, I ask if she'll hand me the remote. She relents. Order is restored.

Now, this isn't meant to be sexist, but if there are 4 or five guys watching sports, you just shouldn't up and change the dang channel. At least ask. That's why there are two TVs. If people are clearly reacting to what's going on in the game, have some sense. They're probably watching and couldn't give two craps about Peruvian abuelas.

Finally, and this got me the worst, was after the other TV was changed to her show, she didn't even look up at it the remaining time I was there. It was on mute and she read her magazine. What the hell is going on over there?

Freak show.

Movies that you like that I think are awful to disappointing

I don't mean that to be combative. I'm just saying that most people like the following movies and I just don't like them. Well, enough of this flim flam. Let's get to the list.

1. Super Bad. Maybe there was just too much hype. Maybe I should have seen it earlier. But I saw this on DVD (and yes, I have it on DVD) soon after it hit stores. I watched with Luke and Jay over Christmas break. They thought it was great. I was so disappointed.

I mean, there were some good lines. But for the most part, I thought it was just not funny. I didn't like Michael Cera's character, or the curly haired kid, or the nerd. Perhaps if I hadn't heard how great the movie was for a year before I saw it, Super Bad would have been funnier to me. But alas, I did and it was not.

2. District 9. When I first saw an ad for this movie, I thought it would be like Independence Day, only with better graphics. I mean, aliens, graphics, and Peter Jackson. And the result was...pure crap.

It's almost like somebody remade Jurassic Park, renamed it "Brian and the Clonoo-saurus" and it ended up being stupid. Plus some really subtle (and by that I mean as subtle as a sledgehammer) political themes about racism and Apartheid.

Now, of course, nobody is pro-Apartheid. And I'm not saying I am. But I don't want to watch a movie about aliens and be reminded of how terrible South Africa's record on human rights is. Call me old fashioned.

3. The Deer Hunter. On paper, a war move, De Niro, the guy who played Freddo and Christopher Walken sounds like a formula for success. And in the end, we're left with a slow, boring and stupid movie. There was only one good scene (di di mao) and most of the movie was about drinking beer. Anybody who says they like this movie and is under 45 should not be trusted to have good taste in movies. Even average taste is movies is out of the question for fans of this movie.

4. Departed. Now, this movie was good. But I thought it could have been an all-time great. Epic (hi Laura) caste, great story, good plot twist potential. All on paper though, unfortunately.

I thought Jack Nicholson mailed this one in. And it really killed the movie. He could have made this movie an all-time great like the Godfather or Godfather II by nailing the role of the head of the organized crime family.

But he was Colonel Jessup, the Joker and the author from As Good as it Gets. In other news, he was the same character he has been since 1989.

Next, it was a little (and by little I mean very) heavy handed. The rat at the end? Was that necessary, Marty? We're not morons, we understand what happened.

The killing at the end? A little too easily wrapped up. Damon killing Jack? Jack being a rat himself? Damon trying to screw over Leo's undercover character? Come on, we see this coming Marty.

In the end, this was a good movie. But it left too much on the table and could have been great or better. Too bad.


5. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I couldn't even finish the movie it was that bad. Seeing the dude's junk in the first few minutes didn't help anything either. This movie is similar to Super Bad. I just heard so many people say it was so good. Expectations were somewhat high and the movie was just...disappointing.

6. Step Brothers. Now, I like John C. what's his name and Will Farrell. And I like stupid comedy. But this movie was crap. Another movie I couldn't watch. I had to turn off the TV both times I tried to watch it. What was good about this movie? Farrell shouting? I've see him do that ten times before. It's no longer funny. I hope you're saving your money, buddy.

Oh when the Saints go marching in...

Sure, that was a cheesy title, but you'll live. It's also perfectly apt. This is a sports alert for those of you who don't care about sports (this means you, Abbie).

As you're well aware, I'm a huge Texans fan. They are my favorite NFL team, by a long shot. Even though they've been tough to watch at times. And the Longhorns are my favorite football team.

And you're also well aware that I'm a huge fan of all things Texan. Let's face it. You might have a different opinion of Texas than I do, but you're wrong. More on this later.

With the Saints going to the Super Bowl after a stellar game against the Vikings, things are different. (Quick side note: I can't believe how great that game was, considering five of my least favorite [read: most hated] players were involved: Reggie Bush, Brett Favre, Jeremy Shockey, Adrian Peterson and Jared Allen).

Anyway, the Saints going to the Super Bowl is just flat out enormous for the city of New Orleans. Remember, just a few years ago, the Super Dome was leaking and full of people fleeing from Katrina (the Storm, according to people in New Orleans). Now, the Dome is a symbol for redemption and rebuilding.

Now, of course, football is king in Texas. High school football. College football. Two NFL teams. It's all huge in Texas. If the Texans ever make it to the Super Bowl (hell, even the playoffs), Texan fans will go nuts. But it won't compare with what's going on with the Saints.

There is no city that loves one team more than New Orleans absolutely loves the Saints. For so long, the Saints were the only team in town. And they were bad for so long. Sure, there were a few scattered good years, but for the most part, the Saints were the Aints. Yet, the entire city rallied around the team. Not just the football fans, but the ENTIRE CITY.

For nearly the entire season, there wasn't a murder during a Saints game. For a city that is still among the most violent in the United States, that's a telling statistic. The Saints just bring people together.

After the storm, the Saints played an insane game against the Falcons on Monday Night Football. U2 opened the game. Then the Saints blocked a punt for a touchdown early in the game. Listen to the crowd. It was pandemonium.

Sure, it was just one play, but for people who live in New Orleans or love New Orleans, it meant much more. The fans were already in a frenzy, but this sent them over the edge. It seemed like this meant everything would be OK. New Orleans would not only survive, but would thrive once again.

Do you remember where you were when Katrina was bearing down on New Orleans? Do you remember feeling things might never be the same? Do you remember having sad conversations with your friends and family about what could happen? Do you remember having uplifting conversations reliving old memories at the same time? Do you remember taking in refugees? Do you think you'll ever forget that?

Now, do you remember where you were when the Saints made it to the Super Bowl?

Rooting for the Saints isn't the right thing to do because you've been to New Orleans and had a po'boy or a hurricane. Or a beignet or a hand grenade. Or a chili omelet (with cheese) or a Bloody Mary while doing your laundry. Or caught some plastic beads or golden coconut.

Rooting for the Saints means you're rooting for the city of New Orleans to survive and come back stronger than ever.

Having gone to Tulane and grown up to a degree in New Orleans, I'll always have a soft spot for the Saints. The Saints are more than just a football team. They are a symbol for the entire city. More than just a fleur de lis. Rebuilt. Redeemed.

Getting to the Super Bowl means that the city is almost all the way back. Winning the game would mean so much more. Even though the Colts are favored and likely to win, New Orleans is back.

Oh when the Saints...Go Marching in...

You know what really grinds my gears?

You know what really grinds my gears? People who complain about me not blogging. Hello, I have a real job now. And that job is not writing this nonsense for your amusement.

I'm talking to you, Holly, Michele, Will Hayes, Trey, Jordy, etc. I appreciate you reading and I truly appreciate you wanting to read more, but come on. I can't blog from work anymore, since, you know, I have a real job and can't surf the internet most of the day. In all seriousness, I'm not really mad. This only gives me a jumping off point for this blog post and also gives me a (semi-legitimate) reason/excuse for not blogging more.

You know what else grinds my gears? The new "poppiness" in country music. Country music is only supposed to be about momma, or trains, or trucks, or prison, or gettin' drunk. Not all this whiny crapola that comes on the radio now. I can count on two hands the newer country artists I still like. There are even some older (more established, perhaps) performers who have succumbed to poppy flavor in recent years. Tim McGraw, Dierks Bentley, Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, etc. I'm talking to you. You are garbage.

You know what else grinds my gears? Two other things, actually, and I'll briefly go into them here. First, people who move their heads constantly while talking. Now, I know I move my hands when I talk. I'll admit. I'm not Italian guy bad, but my hands move when I make emphatic points.

But to move your head like an Alexi Lalas (not sure why I went with Lalas, it just popped into my head as an annoying bobble head guy) bobble head doll is just ridiculous. Stop it. You look like an idiot.

Finally, there is a woman who works where I do. I don't want to say where it is after the other blogging incident at Harris County, but let's just call it the Ralveston Rounty Ristrict Rattorney's Roffice, shall we? This lady, who I've seen walking, parks in a handicapped spot every morning. That's just not right.

There are a few people who work there who need to park close to the building because of their handicaps, and I'm in favor of that. But for a perfectly healthy woman who is just lazy to park there is shameful. And to do it outside the Criminal Justice Center is just flaunting her laziness to a higher degree. She's basically saying I don't give a $hit, give me a ticket, but I'm parking closer to the building than the rest of you suckers.

From the Onion and worth sharing

NEW YORK—In an effort to clear up the confusion caused by terminology such as "unconsistentical" and "splosiverance," CBS producers made a formal request Monday that NFL Today commentator Shannon Sharpe use a minimum of three real words in each sentence.

"We tried to convey to Mr. Sharpe that peppering in a few words that actually exist will help viewers understand what he's talking about," executive producer Sean McManus said. "Providing fans with some context is key for Shannon.

It is much easier to comprehend what he means when he says, 'Andre Johnson needimentally must keep advantagizing opportunimals this week.'"

Sharpe has yet to make any intelligible comment on the situation

The Definition of Irony

Ok, so on my commute to Galveston, I drive by a few of the "adult oriented entertainment" bars in Houston. One of the biggest ones a lot of us have heard of is called "Heart Breakers."

Now, I'm not going into go too far here, so you can relax. This is a family blog. So keep the comments family friendly as well.

Anyway, on to the ironic part. Immediately next door to this establishment is a 40 foot high billboard for a church.

The sign implores motorists and passengers to come to the church after their heart has been broken.

The location, the wording, the imagery. It's great. I think the bill board sets forth this kind of message: go to the strip club on Saturday night and then get forgiven on Sunday in church.

This is perhaps one of the problems with organized religion. (Note I said perhaps so I don't want to hear anything from those of you readers who happen to be more religious than some of the others.) Some of the other problems include war and abuse of children. I suppose I've offended plenty of people so I guess I'll call it a night.

There's no such thing is a small role...Part 1

I don't really know how that line goes or what it means, but whatever. It works as a title.

Anyway, let's get straight to the point. There are certain characters in TV shows (and movies too, but I'm sticking to TV right now) that don't play central roles. They aren't stars. But they bring something big to the table.

Usually there is some humor involved or some sort of quirk. The show would go on without these characters, but they make the show better, undoubtedly. Let's make our way to the list. (Finally, before the list, keep in mind that this is in no particular order. It's just how they came to mind.)

1. Chloe from 24. You know who she is. The quirky/witchy (you know what I mean) computer analyst who handles everything computer related for hero Jack Bauer. Her interactions with other characters is downright hilarious. We all know people like that. Good at what they do but have ZERO personal skills. This is her, to a tee. Priceless.

2. Ted from Scrubs. Good lord, every time old Teddy boy is on the screen, I start laughing. He's such a loser. Bald as a cue ball, completely incompetent. But priceless. It's great when Kelso (and everyone, really) treats him like garbage. The incident with the dog being smarter than Ted...gold. And let's not forget the singing. Oh, the singing.

3. Clay Davis from The Wire. He is best known for being a corrupt state Senator, but if you ask me, his best attribute is the way he elongates the "S", "H", and "I" in one of America's favorite curse words. Really adds some humor to the show. Also he has a cool mustache.

4. Eddie from Frasier. Great looking dog. And a great actor, too. I don't know if everyone considers a dog an actor, but this dog is great. Barking at the right times. Running at the right times. Starting at Frasier at the right times. Pure comedic talent.

5. Jackie Chiles from Sienfeld. You may know him as Kramer's attorney. Loosely based on Johnnie Cochrane, Jackie could rhyme anything in a legal setting. He would throw down words that made no sense but still sounded good with the best of them. Take it back, he must have been based on Al Sharpton.

Well, that's part 1. I'll add some more another time.

Happy New Year

2009 was a great year. I'm also sad to see it go.

I graduated from law school, passed the Texas Bar Exam and got a job with the Galveston County District Attorney's office. That's really all I could ask for in a year, but there was more.

Trey moved back to Houston and got out of the Army. He has a son, Michael (not named for Naaman although they have the same sense of direction).

Plenty of friends got married, including Abbie, Laura, and Jenn and Grant.

I bought a billionaire (Mark Cuban) a drink in New Orleans, I hugged a Rocket (Carl Landry) in Houston and I rang in the New Year with Yao Ming's parents.

I took trips to Las Vegas, New Orleans, New York and India. I also went on an amazing BBQ road trip across the great state of Texas.

With that being said, 2010 could be even better. I'm not sure how, but I'm confident it will be. Happy New Year everyone.

The Complete Military History of France

Does anything get you in the Christmas spirit more than making fun of France? I didn't think so.

For the record, I'm not some right wing nut job. I do like country music, but I'm a rational and sane person. This is a joke. If you can't take a joke, don't read this blog. Also, a great deal of credit to my cousin Jay (of Wire watching and chachin' fame, amongst others) for this.

Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage. With that being said, let's take a stroll down memory lane.

Gallic Wars
Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or, at this time in history, a Roman -editor's note.]

Hundred Years War
Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

Italian Wars
Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion
France goes 0-5-4 against the [self-described?] Huguenots.

Thirty Years War
France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Revolution
Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War
Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession
Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution
In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution
Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also ... French.

The Napoleonic Wars
Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War
Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I
Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -editor's note]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II
Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina
Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

Algerian Rebellion
Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkish Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism
France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

Mexico, 1863-1864.
France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

Panama jungles 1881-1890.
No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

Napoleonic Wars.
Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

Haiti, 1791-1804.
French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

India, 1673-1813.
British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Mediterranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S.
French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s.
Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrenees until the modern day.

Other French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacred by French.
When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. God will know His own." Lesson: French are bad dudes when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.
Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

Third Crusade.
Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

Seventh Crusade.
St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

Eighth Crusade.
St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot Line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

Or, better still, the quote from The Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."

Grumpy Old Men or Babies?

Hall of Fame coach Don Shula, who led the 1972 Miami Dolphins to the only perfect season in NFL history, recently said that he fears that the team's feat finally will be exceeded in 2009.

"They're a legitimate concern," Shula said regarding the Colts and Saints. "I'm rooting secretly inside that somebody beats them."

As to the Saints, Shula has gotten his wish. As to the Colts, only five chances remain.

Now, with a 19-0 mark from the Colts looking possible, Shula is trying to change the image of the team that set the standard 37 years ago.

"We get accused of being a bunch of grumpy old guys that get together and hope and pray that the last undefeated team gets beaten and that's not true at all," Shula told NFL Network's Steve Mariucci on The Coaches Show.

(Shula's right. It's not true. Based on Shula's comments from last week, they root secretly that the last undefeated team loses.)

"If somebody does what we've done, I'm going to be the first guy to call that coach and congratulate him," Shula said. "But until they do, we're very proud of that record. . . . People that have records want to continue to have those records. But, you've got to be a sportsman and if somebody breaks or ties that record, you've got to acknowledge that and congratulate them -- and we'll do that."

Still, the annual bottle of champagne that gets popped when the last undefeated team loses creates a much different image.

And don't even get me started on Mercury Morris, who has remained amazingly quiet only two years after sharing with anyone and everyone who'd listen to his anti-Patriot rantings.

The '72 Dolphins had the second easiest schedule in the history of the NFL and they played in an era before free agency. Their accomplishment means less, if you ask me.

Hello? Records are meant to be broken. Acting so petulant any time another team even sniffs going undefeated doesn't make you sound like a baby, does it? Actually, yes it does. You sound like an anus. (You know what I mean and I do try to keep this family friendly)

Act like a man. Not a child. The 1972 Dolphins really grind my gears. Nice Christmas spirit, jackasses.

The Top 10 Movies of 2009

Well, if your family is anything like mine, the holidays are a great time to catch up on movies and watch old classics. Movies like Gladiator, Snatch and Major League are always good movies, and there are some new movies we all want to see. This year saw some really good movies come out, and I even managed to see some of them.

Here's how the list works. These are movies I've seen in 2009. Not necessarily those that came out in 2009, but movies that were new to me in 2009. So, Avatar is not on the list because I've not seen it, although I've heard from everyone who's seen it that it was awesome. Let's get to the list.

1. The Hangover. This one is obvious. So funny. There are some people who haven't seen it, and they need to do it ASAP. Best movie of the year in a land slide. So quotable. Just great. I can't say enough about it. The deleted scenes are funny. The extra photos are funny. Just an incredible movie.

2. The Dark Knight. I saw this on DVD in 2009. If you read the category description above, you wouldn't be complaining about me including this on the list. Also, if you knew I didn't go to the movie theater that often you'd understand more of the movies on this list. But, anyway, this latest Batman was really good. Not as good as Batman begins, but good.

3. The Wrestler. This was sad. Especially as somebody who used to enjoy watching the WWF/WWE (I know it's fake, but it was pretty danged entertaining). In this movie, just when you're set up to think things are going to go well, they don't. It's somewhat predictable, but the pattern of behavior is just sad.

4. Frost/Nixon. I'm not trying to sound like a know-it-all, but I had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen in this movie from some of the reading I have done over the years. Still, the acting in this movie was top notch. (That was meant to sound British. I'm not sure why I went with that accent, but I did. I blame the anesthesia from my wisdom teeth removal [how you like them apples, Katy?]).

5. Run Fat Boy Run. This could perhaps explain why I went British on that last movie. Simon Pegg is flat our hilarious. Not Ricky Gervais funny, but not as far away as you might think. Hanks Azaria does a great job in a supporting role. We all know how funny he is.

6. Inglorious Basterds. I thought this would be funnier, but I still liked it. I guess any movie that glorifies killing Nazis will be pretty good, but this was a good movie. The parallel stories was interesting.

7. Rock N Rolla. Guy Ritchie makes awesome movies, and this was no exception. My only complaint was that with so many big name actors, some of the roles seemed forced. As in, because this is Jeremy Piven, we should give him more lines. Even though they add nothing to the story, let's give a "big time" actor some more lines. Still though, good movie. Just hard to compare it to Snatch.

8. Role Models. To say this was a surprisingly good movie. Jane Lynch is funny, even if she is the same character in every show or movie. I watched this on HBO or Showtime one night during Thanksgiving and it was just so funny. Of course, it could be blamed on the pumpkin pie.

9. Gran Torino. Other than Clint Eastwood singing at the end of the movie and the ending being patently obvious, this was entertaining. Not a shoot 'em up, but Eastwood directly well.

10. Star Trek. This was a HUGE surprise to me. I saw it one night on DVD with Jordy and Trey (who not only share a passion for movies but have the same birthday) on their recommendation and it was good. I didn't get most of the Star Trek stuff that hasn't been made fun of on The Simpsons, but it was still good. I'm glad Jordy was able to explain the dorky stuff to me, but this was a good movie. If you haven't seen it because of any Trekkie hangup, you should. It's solid.

What were some other good movies y'all saw in 2009? I know Avatar should be on the list. Anything else?

Chris Henry

All I can say is that this was a tragedy.

If you haven't heard, Bengals WR Chris Henry died this week after falling out of or off of a moving pickup truck driven by his fiance. We don't know the facts or circumstances surrounding this accident. There's no reason to speculate. We just don't know at this point.

What we do know is that Chris Henry had seemingly turned his life around. Sure, he made some stupid mistakes in his early twenties. I'm not advocating drinking and driving and using drugs or any of the things he did. They were wrong and he paid his debt to society and to the NFL. Do you want to be remembered for what you did when you were 23? I didn't think so.

After he was cut by the Bengals after one too many transgressions, Henry got his act together. He quit staying out late. He quit drinking and driving. He was planning on getting married. He had matured.

Look, we shouldn't judge a kid (and he really was a kid when he made these mistakes) who came from nothing but poverty in New Orleans to star in college and get drafted into the NFL. He finally came into money and didn't know how to handle it. We should be able to forgive his stupid mistakes. It seemed like he was turning the corner.

Of course, he made mistakes. But he learned from them. And isn't that what's important. It's not that people make mistakes, but it's what they learn from them. Without trying to sound too cheesy, America is the land of second chances. It's really tragic Chris Henry couldn't live out his entire second chance.

I didn't particularly like Chris Henry as a player. I don't really care about the Bengals. I know a few people who read this blog do care and I won't take any shots at them or the team. I do care about second chances. And I feel like Chris Henry was going to make the most out of his. Too bad.

Tiger Woods

In short, who cares?

I suppose if I left it at that, this would be a waste of everyone's time. So, let's jump in a little deeper mmm'kay?

First of all, I don't really care who Tiger Woods has affairs with or if he has affairs. I'm not condoning his behavior, but I'm beyond the point of caring which athlete/celebrity/politician is having an affair. It happens. Everyday people have affairs, too, but it's not plastered on the front page and all over TV. Get over it people. Pull the wool off of your eyes.

Second, who still looks to celebrities for moral guidance? Are there athletes and entertainers and politicians worth emulating? Of course, there are some. And, at the same time, there are countless others who are simply not. But, and I've maintained this stance for some time now, these should not be the people we emulate or seek out for moral guidance.

Charles Barkley had a point even if it was delivered poorly. Teachers, parents, spiritual leaders, professionals...these should be our guides. Not a dude who can run a 4.4 or throw a baseball 95 mph. Come on meow. Don't you need to know a person before you can try to look up to them for anything more than what you can see? Sure, Lebron is an incredible basketball player, but do you or I know him at all? Do we know how his morality measures up to our own, let alone anyone else? I say no.

Do I wish I could putt like Tiger? Sure, who doesn't? But I look for moral guidance from other sources. People I actually know. People I actually know well. And people who I've seen acting ethically and morally and know right from wrong. These are people we should strive to be like. Maybe they can't putt or dunk or sing or act, but they stay out of trouble, lead ethical lives, and can sleep well at night.

Third, if everyone else is gossipping and speculating about what happened, I should be allowed to do a little of that too, right? Elin Woods, Tiger (maybe they should call him Cheetah Woods? [that is Britney's joke, so I'll give her full credit for it]) was not trying to save Tiger when she bashed in the rear windows of his Escalade. He hit a tree and a hydrant. Were the other windows not within range or more convenient to get him out of? I didn't think so. She was trying to hit the car and or him with the club.

Note she also had two clubs with her. Why would she need two different clubs? The words "felony" and "assault" come to mind, but that's just my take(shallow and pedantic, I'll add) on it.

Fourth, I know that Gatorade claims they dropped Tiger's line of Gatorade before this all came down, but does anyone buy that? Sprite did the same thing with Kobe (who I still don't like. It might be the holidays but I still don't like Kobe, T-Mac, the Dallas Cowboys or Tim Tebow, even if I haven't publicly stated that in a while.) after his incident in Colorado. Was he cleared of all wrong doing? Yes, but Kobe's image slipped there. He lost a major endorsement and lost some luster in the public's eye. I'd say he's gained some if not most of that back, but he's not spotless anymore.

The same can be said about Tiger, even though he hasn't been accused of any criminal wrongdoing. (Note I said accused before you fly off the handle, people who defend Kobe blindly no matter how much logic is used against you). Tiger's no longer has a perfect image. He's still the best golfer in the world and probably of all time. But he's not the golden boy anymore. Sure, he can parade around with his wife and kids and show that he's still a family man. And he might even get more endorsements out of it, but the cat is out of the bag.

(Editor's note: For part 4, keep in mind I don't care what Tiger does. I respect him as a golfer but have no reason to respect him as a man, even before this all happened. I don't know him. I don't know his character. I'm in no position to say he's worth emulating, and neither are any of us, because we simply don't know the man.)

Another snowday in Houston?!?!

"Al Gore may have invented the Internet, but he doesn't know jack about the environment."
-My name is Shae Keefe, and I approve of that message.

Thank you, Shae, for a great spring board into today's topic.

Let's set up the situation before we quickly delve into politics.

So, for the second year in a row, there is snow in Houston. Last year was just a little bit of snow and it barely stuck to the ground. Still, a snowball fight ensued. Studying for finals could wait.

This week, there have been reports in the paper and on TV about the possibility of snow. People in Houston, of course, have typically and foreseeably overreacted. It was sunny and in the 50s yesterday (which, of course, is ordinarily cold for Houston, even in December) yet people were still decked out in their scarves, gloves and overcoats. They were acting like Houston turned into the North Pole.

So, this morning, it started snowing. And not just a few flurries. It's really coming down. The reports indicate that Houston could see two to six inches of snow by this evening.

Now, those of you up North might not think that's a lot of snow. Let me take this time to point out that Houston is woefully under-equipped to deal with snow. People here can't drive in the rain. Hell, Houstonians couldn't even drive on Thursday when there were reports of snow Friday. Any of you who were anywhere near downtown yesterday know what I'm talking about.

Snow is going to lead to countless accidents. And for those of you in Houston, drive safe. It's really bad out there. Point is, it's snowing and it's a lot. Be careful (This ends the PSA portion of today's post).

Which kind of brings me to my point.

I know I've said (recently) that I won't attack controversial topics on this blog because, well, we're all friends here and nothing leads to more anger and hurt feelings than discussing religion or politics in public. Plus, when it's done in a shallow and pedantic manner, it can only lead to more of those feelings.

Let me at this time apologize for those of you who are sensitive and who may lose sight of the overall theme of this blog (light-hearted and family friendly) humor.

It's snowing in Houston. It's the earliest it's ever snowed in Houston. (William McMillan, you were correct [even if I agreed with you when you said it but you still demanded credit {back handed enough for ya?}]). Last year, it snowed on December 10. This year it's snowing on December 4th. Do the math, people.

How does this all come together with global warming? If it's getting colder earlier in warm (hot?) cities, is it really getting warmer?

(Now, I'm not picking on Liberals, despite what this post says. If I find your behavior to be hypocritical, fraudulent or laughable, I will point it out. I have and will say things in the future about Conservatives. Take any Aggie or Catholic or Dick Cheney jokes you've heard me tell and counter this post if you're worried about the final score)

I don't want any of you amateur meteorologists to tell me when it's warmer, there is more condensation which leads to high pressure which leads to cold weather and more humidity and barometer pressures and typhoons which leads to El Nino and then snow. If you don't have a degree in meteorology, keep it to yourself. Because it will sound just as made up as that last sentence. Watching and even quoting Steve Carrell from Anchorman does not entitle you to give forecasts.

(Let me again point out that this is meant almost entirely as tongue in cheek. So, don't take offense. If you're particularly sensitive, just quit reading. Honestly, you won't hurt my feelings.)

Does this all add up? What about the leaked emails about the fraudulent temperature data? How does all of this work? Am I missing something? Is Al Gore to blame? Did he start this vast conspiracy? Are we all pawns in his game?

Let's also point out here that Al Gore drives a Suburban (not a Prius or bike) and his monthly electricity bills for his mansion are more than most people's yearly mortgage (slight exaggeration). Your hypocrite alarm should be going off at a pretty high level. Buying carbon offsets is not enough to allow such a high level of hypocricy, sir.

This doesn't add up, people. Snow in Houston? Let me rephrase. The earliest snow on record in Houston. Plus the leaked emails about the alleged fraud. This does not equal global warming. I'm sorry for those who don't believe in conspiracies (or have the wool pulled over their eyes [although that might keep you warm in this blizzard!]) but this does not add up.

Hey Look! Another List: Top Ten Cereals

Since about 2002, I've been eating Smart Start as my breakfast (and sometimes snack) cereal. It's got plenty of vitamins and minerals, and it tastes good. It's a grown up cereal.

But the last time I went to the grocery store, I picked up a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. When I was younger, I loved Cinnamon Toast Crunch. My brother did too. Hell, the whole family loved CTC. It was the best. So, I bought that box. And, after one week of breakfasts, it was gone. I immediately bought another box (last night) and ate a bowl (and a half) for breakfast the next day (an hour ago).

This got me thinking about the best cereals, so I decided to make a list. How convenient for all of us? You're welcome. So, let's jump right in, shall we? (Oh, one more note: this post's spacing looks weird to me, and I've tried to fix it but it still looks odd to me. So, accept my apologies.)

1. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Come on, do I need to explain more? This is the best cereal. It's relatively good for you and people of all ages love it. And, what's even better, is the milk left over after the cereal is finished. That cinnamon milk is fantastic. This is by far the best cereal of all time.

2. Smart Start. I had to leave this high on the list. It's been a solid cereal for 7 years. It's good for you and it tastes good. It's a grown up cereal but still tastes good. It's the best of both worlds, really.

3. Honey Nut Cheerios. This one is also good for you and tastes good. The other Cheerios are good, but these are the best, in my opinion. A solid B+ cereal. It'll do in a pinch, but you'll always be looking for just a little more.

4. Cap'n Crunch. Going back to kid's cereals, Cap'n Crunch was awesome when we were younger. The crunch berries were the sweet part and the yellow parts had (some) nutritional value. I was never a fan of the boxes with only berries or only yellow, but that mixture was great. The peanut butter nonsense I never tried and can only assume was terrible.

5. Wheaties. Well, this cereal was kind of dry and kind of lifeless, but the time Vince Young was on the cover, it was delicious. I guess what made it taste so good was the fact that the Longhorns defeated USC in the 2006 Rose Bowl, but that counts in my book (blog, I suppose). This should really be higher on the list.

6. Honey Smacks. Another kid's cereal that had surpisingly high amount of nutritional value. That frog was funny and the prizes were usually pretty solid. Also, high points for having something good on the back of the box to read.

7. Flutie Flakes. I'll admit, this is another novelty cereal. Jordy was kind enough to bring me back a box from Buffalo. Considering some of the money went to charity, the fact that this cereal tasted like a more cardboardy version of Wheaties is ok by me. I still have a box sitting on my bookshelf.

8. Waffle Crisp. This was a new comer to the cereal battles of the late 1990s, but was good. It was probably too sweet to be anything more than a dessert cereal (you know, when dinner was less than stellar, you come home and have a bowl of cereal. That's what my family did. Usually after going to a new restaurant that "certain family members" (read -- my Dad) thought would be great but turned out to be, well, let's just say less than stellar). But a bowl of waffle crisp would usually make up for weak Thai food.

9. Apple Jacks. I know Laura really used to like these and I assume still does. (After all, people are incapable of change, right? Just kidding, Laura) These were always a good, solid cereal but were never my favorite. I'd eat them but I wouldn't do too much to get the box. I mean, if it was on the shelf, I'd pick it up. But I wouldn't ask if they had any more in the back, ya know?

10. Corn Pops. Another solid cereal. I've heard of some people taking day old pop corn and covering it in milk after it becomes stale. That's kind of like Corn Pops. That counts.

Honorable mention: Rice Krispies (because they, unlike OU, know what to do in a bowl -- yes, I used that before but I find it relevant again), Honey Bunches of Oats, Coco Puffs.

A Word on Professionalism

Now, I don't want to sound like some sort of an elitist or jerk or anything with this post, so I'm going to be careful with the tone. But, I feel like something needs to be said about professionalism and behavior in general.

At this point in life, many of the readers of this blog are lawyers (remember when we passed the bar?), medical students and physicians, MBAs, teachers, engineers, PhD candidates, professionals, etc. What I'm getting at is that we are all adults (or, in some cases, do a great job of pretending to be an adult) and need to act like adults in certain situations.

I'm talking about hanging out at somebody's house or even when you're out with your friends (although I do have some thoughts on this too). I'm talking about social settings with other professionals.

Recently, I was at a post bar passing/swearing in ceremony celebration at a law firm here in Houston. They were serving beer and wine, along with other soft drinks. I think there is nothing wrong with having some wine or even a beer or two in such a setting. But to have so many drinks (or to show up drunk) and then end up slurring your words, shouting about strippers or shouting out 12 lettered profanities is going too far.

That is not a slight mis-step on the fine line of acceptable social drinking. This is both embarrassing and shameful. I'm not naming any names, but those of you who were at the Abraham, Watkins event know exactly what and who I'm talking about. And it's not like this was an isolated incident. It's actually worrisome for this pattern of behavior to continue unchecked. Perhaps a call to the Texas Lawyer's Assistance Program is in order. I'm not joking.

Second, when you're meeting your friends in a professional social setting, an elaborate high five interaction seems unnecessary. A simple hand shake is fine with me. Sometimes, more than a simple hand shake is appropriate. I would say seeing an old friends for the first time in a while or seeing a really close friend warrants more than a hand shake.

But every time you see a casual acquaintance does not warrant a four to seven part hand shake coupled with bringing it in for that whole one-armed hug thing. Call me old fashioned if you want, but it's just inappropriate. I'm not saying nobody can do it, but if you're an adult (or have a grown up job or degree) act like one. You're making the rest of us look bad.

And while we're on the topic of public greetings of friends and colleagues, let me just voice my displeasure with the quick-peck-on-the-cheek-hello-and-goodbye-greeting. I don't like it. I'm not European, and neither are most of you. A hug is certainly appropriate and acceptable. Again, maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't think it's right.

Hypocrits: You Really Grind My Gears, Jerks

Hypocrisy. This is my number one pet peeve. It really grinds my gears. Man, it's probably bad for my blood pressure to even write this (warning sign of getting old--alert, alert)

Now, this is a sports spring board, but not a sports topic. So, for those of you who complain about sports, just wade through the sports to get to the point or just tune in later this week. Either way is fine with me. Thanks.

So, you know who is a huge (pronounced: YUUUGE) hypocrite? Pete Carroll, USC's head coach.

Yeah, he's won a lot of games (not against Texas and VY, but I digress) and scored a lot of points. He's pretty famous for running up the score on inferior and defeated teams. Not as bad as the Oklahoma Sooners and Big Game Bob Stoops (sarcasm) but bad. (As a quick aside, what do Oklahoma and Rice Krispies have in common? Well, Rice Krispies know what to do in a bowl.)

Anyway, USC routinely runs up the score on other teams. Earlier this season, Stanford finally defeated USC and ran up the score. Badly. They scored 55 points and even attempted to go for two to score more points late in the game. They afterward provided some thinly veiled excuses about going up by 4 scores, but we all knew they wanted to kick sand in USC's face.

And boy was Pete Carroll upset. He whined and cried about the score being run up on him and his team. Not so nice on the other side of a beat down, is it Pete?

So, last night, against UCLA, up two touchdowns in the final seconds with the game decided, what does ole Pete do? Calls for a play action pass deep down field for a touchdown? Yes, you're right. He was running up the score. Again. After whining about it being done to him.

I don't even that much of a problem with running up the score. Coach up your team, have 'em ready to play and you shouldn't get blown out of the water too man y times. But, it does happen from time to time. Get over it. Coach up the team for the next game. But, if you routinely run up the score on Arizona State and Washington State and Stanford, one of these days those weaker teams are going to come back and thrash you. And they're going to love doing it. So, if you act like a child and hoot and holler and jump around when you're up 40 points, you damn well better expect the same thing to happen to you.

But, after running up the score on people for years and then having your team get smoked by Stanford, don't go whining about it. Especially don't go whining about it when you know full well you will run up the score the next time you can, ie, UCLA.

You're a hypocritical whiner, Pete Carroll. You can't talk out of both sides of your mouth, man. It's baloney. And, believe me, I want to use harsher language but I'll continue to keep the blog family friendly. But that really grinds my gears.